Top 10 Depressed MLB Fan Bases
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10) New York Yankees
Don't let the recent winning streaks fool you; this is a roller-coaster ride with an undercurrent of real distaste. The manager seems overwhelmed, the new yard is destroying the pitching depth, the "fun" of rooting for A-Roid can't really be stated in words, and Chien Ming-Gone is just an exercise in tragedy. There's also this: Real Yankee fans would happily lose every game to the Mets if they could just beat the freaking Red Sox, and the last decade or so has convinced many of them that they just aren't ever going to win again. Poor babies.
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9) Oakland A's
When your big off-season move (Matt Holliday) not only doesn't work out, but also looks like it's going to cost you another prospect just to get rid of him... and the last position player that you developed with any actual offensive value were all turn of the century Steroid Achievers... and your home part is a timeshare with a terrible NFL team, with no new stadium in sight, and your media market goes something like 20 to 1 for the NL team which actually has a nice new park... well, um, you can see why this A's fan is on methadone, and watching "The Wire" on DVD to cheer up. Has the statute of limitations ran out on Billy Beane being a genius yet? (And the A's would rank higher if we weren't all depressed as a matter of course, given how we turned Rich Harden into Matt Murton, all while refusing to admit it was a salary dump.)
8) Atlanta Braves
An also-ran in a division where no team has played well, with the awful knowledge that they have seen the best era in their history and got very little in the way of actual playoff success. Oh, and everyone still hates you for that freaking chop, John Smoltz is in Boston, Tom Glavine got boned, and you live in Atlanta in the summer. Yeesh.
7) Cleveland Indians
When your best player (Grady Sizemore) is hitting like Felix Fermin and will need post-season surgery, Fausto Carmona is a full-on arsonist, and the bullpen is making the locals pine for the return of Jose "Joe Table" Mesa, that's not a good year. At all.
6) Arizona Diamondbacks
Assuming this fan base actually exists, they can't be liking how ace Brandon Webb is rumored to be moving into Operation Shutdown Mode, and July finds them absolute buried in the NL West. At least they can take some solace in Mark Reynolds and Justin Upton, though it's probably not enough to make them forget that Chris Young problem. They might move up the list when they sell Dan Haren for parts.
5) San Diego Padres
Isn't a new stadium supposed to make a team, you know, better? This franchise is so down in the dumps, they couldn't even fire sale Jake Peavy before he broke down. When your second-best offensive player is the All And More Likely Nothing stylings of Kevin Kouzmanoff, maybe it's time to find something else to do with your eyes. Like, say, watching out for wildfires.
4) Chicago Cubs
Always a contender for this title, but with special juice this year from the fact that even their fans are sick of the Carlos Zambrano Show by now. Don't look now, but Rich Harden has been awful, the bullpen is shakier than advertised, the manager seems like he's ready for an exit strategy, and they can't get healthy. But the biggest point is the 2.5 years and $25 million remaining on monumental failure Milton Bradley, who has taken this year by the horns and mounted it. Enjoy him while you can, Cub Fans!
3) Washington Nationals
Assuming this fanbase actually exists, are they ready for the JD Drew-esque screw job that Scott Boras is going to give them with Stephen Strasburg? A historically awful bullpen -- really, when the answer is Mike MacDougal, you don't want to ask the question -- is matched by the current regime's need to ship out the toolsy failures of the past (Lastings Milledge, Elijah Dukes) for the tool-free failures of the future (Austin Kearns, Adam Dunn). The stadium is new and terrible, and you could make the very strong argument that they were better off in Montreal. Wow.
2) New York Mets
A season of injury and unintentional comedy, with "highlights" including a Mariano Rivera RBI and an A-Rod walkoff error from a dropped pop up. Between the Yankee Whitewash and the expensive new park that is going to make every free agent power hitter take a big miss for this team and turned David Wright into Bill Meuller, it hasn't been a good time in Queens. You don't make them any happier when you tell them Oliver Perez is coming back, the last two Septembers will stay in their memories forever, they probably need to look at Livan Hernandez for another three months, and Johan Santana might be DL-bound. On the plus side, if they've survived the last two years, they can survive anything, right?
1) Baltimore Orioles
There's actually been more to cheer for this year than you might expect, what with the emergence of young players like Nolan Reimold, Adam Jones and Matt Wieters, and the occasional uprising against Boston. But when you still have the same old terrible owner, live in a ridiculously difficult division, routinely have your stadium overrun by Road Fans, and still live in a town that's so depressing, there's been multiple television series about how many people die brutally there. Let's just give this one to BMore for good, OK?



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