25 More Amazing Gym FailsApril 22, 2014
25 More Amazing Gym Fails
No spotters. No mercy.
Welcome back, sports fans and health enthusiasts, for Round 2 of "Amazing Gym Fails."
As stated in the first series of lifting mishaps, the following is a guide for how not to work out, complete with pain-level indexing and remedies for treating and/or avoiding these painful and embarrassing exercise moments.
I am not a lifting guru, but if you pay attention to the videos and follow my instructions, you might live to lift another day.
Salmon Ladder Steve
Just a shirtless guy with a video camera flinging himself around a playground. Nothing weird here.
Pain Level: 7. Mulch digs into human skin so nicely. Chipped wood really is the perfect material for a playground floor.
Remedy: Indoor pullup bar and reappraisal of your life's goals.
The Squat Flip
Training is all about trying new things, combining lifts and keeping the body guessing.
So why not throw your body the ultimate curveball and try a squat that ends in your body being thrown end over end onto the floor?
Pain Level: 8. He's laughing, but there's going to be a blue band of agony across those thighs in the morning.
Remedy: Ice, horse liniment and sacrifices to the heart tree.
The Fountain of Strength
Warning: Video contains footage of a woman spewing a mighty geyser of vomit.
She puked on the judge, but she nailed the lift. I think.
Pain Level: 7. This hurts the eyes.
Remedy: Pepto-Bismol/Gallagher splash guard.
Round, bulbous and obscene all at once, the kettlebell is the weight of choice for those who can't leave the gym without grabbing a few eyes.
While it is popular in some circles, this fat, gimmicky clothing iron will betray you at the drop of a goofy hat.
Pain Level: 2.
Remedy: Leave the kettlebell, take the cannoli.
He Read the Books
"'You're one challenging woman,' He kisses me, forcing my lips apart with his tongue, taking no prisoners."
I'm all for literacy. I carry my "I read the books" card with me everywhere I go. But put down the 50 Shades of Grey, bro. This isn't a Royals game.
Pain Level: 10. This stung a place in my heart I didn't know existed.
Remedy: Headphones. You can listen to books on tape and not look like a jackwagon.
Kips Are for Kids
Warning: Video contains NSFW language.
"Kipping" is when you meet a nice girl online and marry her in a pastoral setting, not something you do so you can pretend you're good at pullups.
Pain Level: 5.
Remedy: Grab the bar and pull yourself up.
He can jump, but can he stick the landing?
Pain Level: 2.
Remedy: Switch to high jump. At least you'll land on a protective pad.
'Mom, It Happened Again'
My first impulse is to say, "This kid should have learned how to bail weight."
But I'm so glad he didn't.
Pain Level: 2. Had he held that weight in a dangerous kneeling position any longer, CrossFit would've added it to the WOD schedule.
Remedy: A caged workout stand and a thorough lesson in physics.
The Stare Master
Let's see. We'll limber up with five pounds on the bar and just bump that up by 1,900 percent and see what happens.
The best part about this guy grossly overestimating himself is that he stares at the bar as if it betrayed him.
Pain Level: 0.
Remedy: Two tablespoons of reality.
A New Personal Record for Shame
Stack the pink step-ups! This man is going for his all-time personal best.
You don't need a degree in engineering to know that a stack of light, plastic planks can't support a sweaty, flying meatball.
Pain Level: 5. That knocked the wind right out of his tater pocket.
Remedy: Proper equipment and friends who put your well-being first.
You're Doing It Wrong
Just keep doing you, bro. Whatever that entails.
Pain Level: 7. My mind is twisting in painful ways trying to figure this out.
Remedy: Cold shower.
Burpee Backflip Fail
If you're not into flavorless food or paying people to tell you to work out quickly, you might not know what a burpee is.
Simply put, it's a staple exercise in the CrossFit regimen that involves pushups and leaping. There are many different forms, but the cockiest burpee masters try throwing a back flip into the routine.
This man has all the proper equipment for pulling off the master burpee (six pack, back tattoo, general nonchalance) but fails to stick the landing.
No worries, though. He gets back up and proves he can back flip for the camera.
Pain Level: 4.
Remedy: Become a male cheerleader. Seriously, it's a great workout.
Clean and Fall
Zero percent form. 100 percent fall.
The clean and jerk is a delicate art requiring balance, technique and a keen sense of awareness. This young man exhibited none of those traits. He lifted the bar to his shoulders and kicked his legs out Air Jordan style as he attempted the jerk.
It didn't pan out so well.
Pain Level: 3.
Remedy: Olympic lifting lessons and a protective turtle shell.
Just a Bit Outside
"Go on, Chris! Stay TOIGHT!"
Oh, Chris stayed tight. His hands were so close together on the bar that his arms disappeared behind his rib cage.
At least he had all those spotters.
Pain Level: 6.
Remedy: Friends who care more about your personal safety than screaming.
Smith Machine Master
Check out this guy's body placement on the bar. You may be using a Smith Machine, but that does not mean you should ignore basic tenets of lifting, such as placing your mass in the center of the bar.
As you'll see, body placement is the least of this young man's problems.
Pain Level: 0.
Remedy: Three-hour course on why you should never use a Smith Machine.
Crouching Box Jump, Falling Sweatpants
He started off so well, landing on the stack of weights with the grace of a falling anchor.
Then came the tipping point.
Pain Level: 6.
Remedy: Sturdy boxes to jump on.
Again, kipping is not your friend. It will not make you cool. It will not write "HAGS" in your yearbook.
Kipping is a five-foot fall onto a dirty garage floor. Do not trust it.
Pain Level: 8.
Remedy: Real pullups and weapons-grade painkillers.
Even She Knows This Is a Bad Idea
That first day of CrossFit will get ya.
Pain Level: 4. This one hurt the soul more than the body.
Remedy: Baby steps.
9-Year-Old Benches Without Spotters to Predictable Results
"Naw, man. You got this. You're almost in the double digits. Time for you to make it gain, bro."
They have a camera and equipment, but no one in this household thinks for a second to spot the preteen trying to bench his body weight.
Pain Level: 5. The family pain would've reached 10 for grieving had big bro not stopped Snapchatting long enough to save this child.
Remedy: Baby aspirin and adult supervision.
Be cautioned: This poor kid truly puts himself in a crappy position.
He tries to lift way too much, attempting to max out without a spotter. He fails his lift and is unable to roll the weight down on his body. He yells for his parents for a few minutes and continues to creep the bar up closer to his neck and windpipe (for reasons unknown).
In the end, he escapes relatively unscathed. Guarantee he'll never lift alone again.
Pain Level: 9. He rolls the weighted bar over his skull.
Remedy: Spotters, spotters and more spotters.
It's Not About the Destination; It's About the Journey
I don't know what this woman is trying to do. I have no idea what this workout is called or if it even has a name.
What I do know, however, is that the song playing makes it 1,000 times better.
Pain Level: 0.
Remedy: More Journey. Journey cures all.
Flip It Good
They were so excited to scream with the bros that they forgot to clip the other side.
Pain Level: 1.
Remedy: Double-checking your weight and more leotards.
Techno Pants Party Fun Time
No clips. No pants. Just party fun time in the living room.
Pain Level: 0. Embarrassment level is around a 7.
Remedy: Clips, athletic shorts and less crappy techno.
Enter the Draggin'
His form was fine. He had a spotter.
This man did everything right. He just didn't account for the most perfect videobomb in workout history.
Pain Level: 10. I may have herniated something from the laughter.
Remedy: None. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do.
Guy the Geyser
Warning: Video contains gross footage of a man vomiting while lifting.
Housebreaking is difficult for some strongmen. It's a good idea to lay down a few newspapers just in case.
Pain Level: 9. As hard as this is to watch, I can only imagine what it felt like for him.
Remedy: Newspapers and a blank canvas. (Someone would probably consider the spray pattern "art.")
Gettin' swole on the Twitters.