The Most Overrated Things in Sports
A wise man once said, "Don't kill my vibe."
Sage words, indeed, but what if you're vibing on the wrong things? What if you're the guy who cares more about overpriced stadium food and commercials than the game?
In that case, maybe your vibe deserves to die. Maybe someone should take it out back and do it in with an ice pick forged in reason. Maybe that person is me.
The following are a few of the most overrated things in sports, ranging in subject from gaudy helmets to overblown corporate spectacles. It's time to pump the brakes, sports fans. Every athlete photobomb isn't the funniest thing you've ever seen, and you know it.
You hit a half-court shot at the halftime buzzer? Great. Beautiful. Good for you.
Hitting a deep three at the end of the first half is great for momentum, but get that stuff off my SportsCenter Top 10 rundown. You're telling me that of all the sports happenings in the world, a thoughtless, unguarded 40-footer is in the top fraction of a percent? Get out of here.
Save these spots for game-winners.
Overrated Level: Office softball.
There's "J.R. Smith inconsistency," and then there's "stadium nachos inconsistency." Guess which one is the most erratic.
Stadium nachos are the 50-yard fake-out of sports-vendor cuisine. You see a guy with a tray of chips covered in beefy cheese and think: "Bingo. I'll have what he's having."
The only problem is the plate of $9 nachos you ordered ends up being a dry wasteland of tortilla or a lukewarm fondue bowl. There is no middle ground.
Overrated Level: Christian Bale.
Goalpost Slam Dunks
Lets be clear: I was among the first to rip my robes in anguish when I heard the NFL had banned the goalpost slam dunk.
My reasoning ran along the lines of: "Last time I checked this is Murka, No Fun League! We do what we want!"
Upon further reflection, I realized the goalpost slam dunk isn't that exciting of a gesture in the first place. It's athletic, but falls short of moves like the Lambeau Leap, which incorporate all the leaping and drunk fan freak-outs.
I can let go of the goalpost dunk, but when they come for the Lambeau Leap (and they will), we're going to have problems.
Overrated Level: Sherlock.
You know what's exciting about big, shiny league draft broadcasts? The first 10 minutes.
By the time the ninth pick goes off the board, all fun has left the draft. The only fun remaining at this point involves watching Brady Quinn melt into his chair in the green room. I think he's still sitting there.
Overrated Level: Skrillex.
Chrome Athletic Gear
It's getting out of control.
Oregon introduces one chrome helmet and now college football teams everywhere are chroming anything that isn't living or nailed to the ground. The look awed the first time around, but it's quickly becoming gimmicky and sad.
Nowadays, a candy-striped mirror-helmet is just a billboard for impressionable recruits. It says: "We're not a great program, but we are shiny."
Overrated Level: Dave Matthews Band.
The Super Bowl
Lets get one thing straight: You don't like the Super Bowl as much as you think you like the Super Bowl.
We like the idea of the Super Bowl: the ultimate game of the ultimate league in the best damn sport ever invented by human beings. It's the biggest of the big ones. It's Super.
But is it?
An astonishing number of the NFL's final showdowns play out like a bad BCS title pairing. Teams get blown away regularly, and the most exciting part of the game ends up being the weeks of buildup leading to the letdown.
Put it this way, the Super Bowl is the hulking summer blockbuster of American sports. More often than not, it pulls in more money and eyes than the quality of the product deserves. Case in point: the Seahawks' sponged the Denver Broncos, 43-8, this February. It was one of the worst Super Bowl blowouts ever, and it still became the most-watched television program in American history.
Overrated Level: Coldplay.
I've written about my fair share of photobombs here at B/R, and the truth is, the majority are lame.
Sticking your head into someone else's picture isn't inherently funny. Most athletes don't even make a weird face (a key component in a good photobomb).
Chris Bosh and others get plenty of play when they creep up into a shot, but it's rarely the laugh festival people claim it to be.
Overrated Level: Mitch McGary.
The Extra Point
You would've never known so many NFL fans were attached to the extra point had the league not mentioned a possible change in the practice.
Grown men across the nation leapt out of their armchairs in open revolt at the thought of eliminating a time-consuming, all-but-automatic formality. They had no problem taking the free extra point in NFL Blitz, but offer it in real life and they stage a coup.
It's the lamest play of the game, people. Either increase the distance or do away with it all together.
Overrated Level: Hummus.
It's difficult to think of losing as overrated, but some people swear by the tank.
Have you ever talked sports with a tank commander? They're out there, and they're militant about it. An astonishing number of NBA and NFL fans work themselves into a froth when their struggling team fails to lose enough games. "Just lose and get us the first pick!"
No. This is not how we do things, and constantly thinking about next season isn't a way to live your life. The cynical ethos of falling upward has too many followers.
Overrated Level: Ashton Kutcher.
People know this is easier than timing up an alley-oop, right?
For one reason or another, off-the-backboard dunks are treated like double rainbows in the sports media.
Are they cool? Yes. Are they more difficult than a reverse layup in traffic? No.
Overrated Level: Robb Stark.
On the Twitters.