Coyotes To Relocate to Oklahoma City (Humor)

Greg CaggianoSenior Writer IJune 8, 2009

After several attempts to buy and relocate the Phoenix Coyotes to South Ontario, Commissioner Gary Bettman has finally approved the sale of the franchise to Research in Motion CEO Jim Balsillie.

The team will be opening up the 2009-2010 season as the Oklahoma City Bombers.

"I am thrilled that the league has allowed my purchase," Balsillie told the Ottawa Sun. "Once certain parameters were reached, Bettman was more then happy with the relocation."

The new owners plan on designing a jersey and building an arena shortly, but when asked about what those certain parameters were, Balsillie told the press, "Mr. Bettman was concerned about moving the team to an area that actually cared about hockey. His concerns also spread to what kind of an arena the new team would be playing in and once we worked out the kinks and settled upon Oklahoma City, he was quite gleeful."

That said, an arena has not yet been built so the first season will be played on an outdoor rink. When asked if he was concerned about the weather, Balsillie said, "It is merely a dry heat that we have here, so I don't feel that there will be any problems, other then the occasional tumbleweed blowing across the ice."

Coyotes fans, however, are outraged over the sale and that they were not even given a chance to see a farewell game.

"We are pretty ticked," a distraught fan told The Sourc3 440 in Phoenix. "When the final buzzer sounded I never thought that would be the final inning of Coyotes hockey that I would ever see. And they won't even give us our money back."

Balsillie also had some comments regarding the Coyotes' fanbase.

"I don't feel sorry for them, not at all. Those people thought that the blue line was patriotic colored cocaine and that the red line was something you hung laundry from. Now, the people of Oklahoma City may have never seen the sport or even not know what a hockey puck is, but I wanted to own an NHL franchise and this was the only way possible. Mr. Bettman wholeheartedly agrees with the plan."

Immediately following the announcement of a purchase, an exhibition game was held at the new team's home, Kingsford BBQ Park, where fans got a chance to see the foreign sport.

I was sent down to investigate by the New York Minute to cover the event.

"Why are they playing around with drink coasters?" I was asked by a fan, only for it to be followed up with an exclamation of, "They have knives on their feet!"

Season ticket subscriptions are now on sale. You can call to order by phone or by going to the box office, located in a trailer in the parking lot.

Please watch out for roaming cattle.

Greg Caggiano is a writer here on Bleacher Report covering the New York Rangers. He has a New York area sports teams blog called Metro-Sports, where you can read great articles about all professional sports teams that play in the area by a dedicated team of young writers.


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