Confirmed: the Mainstream Sports Media is worthless

At least in cardboard form they are.  Just like their teammates during their playing days and the guys they cover for a living now, the one thing that virtually all MLB players have in common is that their baseball cards aren’t worth anything but a few cheap jokes. Enjoy a Media Circus edition of the Worthless Cards.

Unconfirmed Player Note: Karros was never at ease in a Dodgers uniform knowing his smallish helmet could potentially crush his man-made helmet perm.

Player Note: All summer long, Harold Reynolds wanted nothing more than to hug the ball girl.

Unconfirmed Player Note: When asked what position he preferred the silhouette to imitate in the corner of his baseball card, Morgan told the photographer he couldn’t answer because he ‘never saw the silhouette play baseball’.###MORE###

Unconfirmed Player Note: It took nearly four weeks of constant reassurance during spring training, but the Cardinals hitting coach was finally able to convince rookie catcher Tim McCarver that just because he threw righthanded it was not illegal for him to bat lefthanded.

Unconfirmed Player Note: Proudly displayed alongside the 1988 Cy Young Award in Orel Hershiser’s home trophy case is his 1986 award for “Geekiest White Guy in a Sports Music Video” for his unforgettable work in “The Baseball Boogie”

Unconfirmed Player Note: The 48 hours that it would take for Pearl Vision to manufacture his specially ordered Marlins teal glasses were some of the longest in Orestes Destrade’s life.

Unconfirmed Player Note: It didn’t matter how much pain his taught acrylic pants were causing him, Rick Sutcliffe looked damn good.  And he knew it.

Unconfirmed Player note: If you think steroids in baseball is more important than the war on terror or domestic poverty, Dibble will not hesitate to fire a fastball directly at your temple.

Unconfirmed Player Note: Lets just say this wasn’t the first time that someone had asked Buck Showalter to walk out into the desert so that they could take pictures of his crotch.

Unconfirmed Player Note: The Fleer team was thrown for a loop at Eric Byrnes’ continued demands to incorporate a microphone into his art photo.

Unconfirmed Player Note: Fernando Vina still has nightmares which involve a raging Joey Belle sprinting towards him at full speed. Some times the nightmares trickle over into daydreams, which ESPN points to as the primary reason Fernando stutters when he speaks.

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