What Stephen Strasburg Needs To Be a D.C. Sports Star

Shortly following the Clippers climbing the lottery to snag the No. 1 overall selection in June’s NBA Draft, instead of the Wizards moving up just one spot to win the No. 1 pick, and with it the city's second top pick in a major sport draft this summer, Washington slipped to fifth and likely out of relevancy. Blake Griffin doesn’t know what he’s missing.

As the "National elect" with the No. 1 overall pick this coming June, Stephen Strasburg will soon find out how sweet it is to be a sports star in Washington. The District is a city built around heros—people from all across the country, and world, that have done one thing extraordinary in their life at some point. It’s a city that appreciates character, wit, humor, and supposed playmaking ability.

This is why Washington is drawn to its sports stars, and to making them into our heros.

What other city has three superstars already established in their city? Los Angeles has Kobe Bryant and Vlad Guerrero, but no football team. Chicago has all the sports, but who really stands out as a superstar? Not Derek Rose yet, not Derek Lee anymore, and Jay Cutler has only just arrived.

D.C., on the other hand, boasts Gilbert Arenas, who when healthy is the epitome of an NBA star, Clinton Portis in the NFL, and Alexander Ovechkin in the NHL.

This trio rules D.C as we fall in love with their individual accolades, their style on and off the court, and often their plain ridiculousness. And maybe it’s our jaded view of our towns political leaders that allow us to look past our stars flaws more than any other city that allows them to be so popular in D.C.

Maybe we’ve learned to appreciate individual accolades and ignore group shortcomings. We see politicians come into this town as great representatives from other places, and as long as there is no scandal their success is relatively ignored and their support still maintained.

Such is our view towards the Wizards, Redskins, Capitals, and Nationals. Let’s be honest, we struggle a bit when they put up last place seasons, but for the most part Washingtonians don’t start to care about a team until The Washington Post tells us to.

So this is what we have to offer you, Stephen Strasburg. If you chose to be sign-able, and you do come to Washington, we can give you undying love.

You can:

Be in an Eastern Motors Commercial!

Wear Costumes!

Do Whatever Gilbert Arena’s does while he hasn’t played the last two years!

I don’t know if Strasburg has any sense of humor or not (it doesn’t look like it), but he would be well served to gain one. Apathetic D.C. fans need something to chuckle at while spiraling into last place. A pudgy Dmitri Young or a neck-breaking quarterback can only go so far here.

Pitch well. Make us laugh. Don’t worry about the winning; we’ll take it when it comes.