Westside Crusin': 2009 Summer Blockbuster Edition

While I'm looking at my summer budget wash away thanks to countless vacations and trips to the theatres....

It's the ides of May, and already many of us have turned our attention from typical water cooler talk such as "Why did we draft THAT guy?" (even though I never remember a fan drafting a player, but whatever) to more important things such as pretending to care about what our co-workers are doing for the summer and answering mind-boggling questions such as "Why wasn't Shatner in the new Star Trek flick?"

The summer is usually a time where our attention (and discretionary income) can only go so far, it can be difficult to maintain our focus on what is happening on the field, court and, in some cases, courtroom. 

Especially in LA, where Hollywood and Mannywood collide (HCG and implants in the same city? Perish the thought) and fans are torn between the latest Jennifer Aniston relationship fallout, Miss California, and whether or not the Lakers' team logo should be the Charmin Bear.

That said, as is the norm on Planet Ryder, we like to view our sports from a cinematic point of view.  For every major story involving LA's teams, we'll take a look at them in comparison to some of the summer's biggest hits. 

Unfortunately for Wolverine fanboys and all three of the LA Kings fans, you might walk away a bit disappointed. So let's grab some popcorn (sorry, T.O., your VH1 reality show won't be included, so back to your sit-ups), prop up your feet, and wrap up the LA sports scene, Showbiz Tonight style!

LA Lakers (Angels and Demons)

The title of the Da Vinci Code sequel is the best way to describe the maddening inconsistency of the anointed Western Conference champions. 

How can you explain the Lakers losing by 30 to a Yao-less Houston Rockets and then winning by 40 two nights later?  It just shows that this team cannot expect to just turn it on and off in the playoffs and expect to win.

This team is too soft, and with Kobe giving his teammates that "I'm-so-going-to-kill-each-and-every-one-of-you" look after each possession he doesn't get the ball, we might see the NBA's first teammate mugging in the middle of the Staples Center should they play the Denver Nuggets.

Being that this film has religious connotations, NBA Commissioner David Stern is praying to any and all gods that will listen that Ron Artest or Shane Battier will come up with the H1N1 flu in the next few days.

Then again, he should just pray that Coach Rick Adelman will actually try to out-coach Phil Jackson and end up on the losing end.

LA Dodgers (Star Trek)

Simple premise, this movie is the beginning of how the famed USS Enterprise crew came together.  Who ever knew green-skinned women could be so attractive? 

Anyway, the film kicks into gear when James T. Kirk's predecessor Captain Pike is taken away, forcing the younger crew to take care of business.

Now that Manny's been sat down to work on his dreads for having his hand caught in the steroid cookie jar (despite there being no evidence in his tests, but why let facts get in the way of a juicy story?), the Dodgers' young guns of Chad Billingsley, Clayton Kershaw, James Loney, Matt Kemp, and Andre Ethier will have to step up their game in the midst of the team's hot start.

The advantage is that they play in the weak NL West, and with Manager Joe Torre playing the elder Spock role, they should be fine until Manny's return come June 3.

The key will be if closer Jonathan Broxton can continue to be the stable rock in the bullpen.  Despite blowing a save against the World Champion Phillies, the team rallied in extra innings to win two out of three in Philadelphia. 

Much like the well developed plot and character placement in Star Trek, the young stars of the Dodgers will be the story of the summer.  By the way, what are the chances they bring a young Khan in the sequel?

USC Basketball (My Life in Ruins)

Although this is more of a romance flick, the title alone describes the future of Coach Tim Floyd in the midst of the OJ Mayo scandal.  Finally, Kelvin Sampson will have some company! 

This is just a microcosm of what is the major problem in recruiting and that boosters run the program, despite the ego of the coaches and players who are just looking to stay healthy for the NBA draft. 

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)

In what is sure to be the money-maker of the summer, this sequel will feature the return of the Decepticon armada after their beatdown in (where else?) LA in the first film.

I'll spare those two Transformer fans who don't know what's going to happen already a spoiler alert.

That said, the Angels are 9-3 in the month of May since a horrific start due to injuries to starters John Lackey, Ervin Santana, and Kelvim Escobar, as well as to Vladmir Guerrero. 

With the AL West still up for grabs, and all of these stars coming back by the first week of June, the Angels will unleash their revenge on all of those teams who beat them down in April and book another trip to the postseason.

Although if the Angels flame out again to the Red Sox in the playoffs, nice guy owner Arte Moreno may pull a Megatron and just smash everything in sight.

Anaheim Ducks (Up)

This cute kiddy film is about an old man and a young boy scout hanging together (something Child Services should be looking into) after the house goes up like a hot air balloon.

Despite losing in seven games to the Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings, the chances of the Ducks repeating their own championship run could be on the way up if GM Bob Murray can hold on to unrestricted free agents Scott and Rob Niedermayer, as well as center Todd Marchant. 

LA Clippers (Land of the Lost)- No further explanation needed. 

....and kids, please don't bootleg.