Joba Chamberlain's Mother Is an Ugly Hag

Joba Chamberlain’s mother, Jacqueline Standley, was arrested Saturday night after selling methamphetamine to an undercover officer Feb. 11. That’s a felony, and that sets her bond at $5,000. That’s $4,890 more than she made from selling the .6 grams of drugs, but hey, those are just numbers.

More importantly, she’s hot for a meth-head. Kind of. Not really, actually. Gross, more like it. Real gross.

Son Joba pleaded guilty to a DUI charge last month and is on probation for nine months, so they’ve got that whole apple falling from the tree thing going for them. Also have a litany of possible nicknames for Mommy, all of which include the term “Joba”. Conjure up your own by starting with “Joba the …” and proceed from there. It’s like Joba the Hut, only this version sells meth.

In case you wanted to throw up in your own mouth this morning, here’s a more full picture of Jacqueline, courtesy of SI.

Since reporting the wrong-doings of various mothers of athletes has become a part of the sports reporting landscape, I propose we put Jacqueline and LeBron’s mother Gloria James (DWI fame) on a reality show a la Intervention on A & E. It would be better than E:60, anyway. ###MORE###

May 5

1862 - The advent of Cinco De Mayo when troops led by Ignacio Zaragoza halt a French invasion in the Battle of Puebla.  Americans choose to celebrate this by getting s-faced on margaritas and eating tortilla chips.

1971 - Harold Minor aka “Baby Jordan” is born and 22 years later everyone realizes how freaking stupid it was to compare him to Michael Jordan.

1995 - The last basketball game is played at the historic Boston Gardens.  God bless any fans who went and watched a game in a building with no air conditioning that prominently featured players such as Acie Earl, Eric Montross and Dee Brown on the home team.

The show that was most well know for having Herschel Walker’s multiple personalities on the same episode with Darren Daulton’s one, completely insane personality - the historic Pros vs. Joes - is back on Versus.

This time it is hosted by the newest odd couple Jay Glazer and Michael Strahan (watch out Mike and Mike, these guys apparently gunning for you), and in the most recent episode we got to see a glimpse of why the show can potentially be amusing - we’re speaking of course of the off-chance that the “pro”, in this case former NFL defensive end Simeon Rice, gets pissed and pile drives the “joe” for mouthing off:

Good thing for this joe that it wasn’t Darren Daulton that he ticked off, otherwise old Dutch may have sent his ass to the fifth dimension via astral travel.

Matt Sebek does some investigative work into the bizarre habits of baseball stadium security to see if there is any rhyme or reason to what they will let fly and what they won’t in the Fan of the Week.