1984 Topps = A Pinata of Trash

We welcome Week 3 of the baseball season with another pack of worthless baseball cards. You can’t put a price on these cards—mainly because they’re worthless—but also because the intangible value is so great.

Let’s see what we got here …

Paul Owens was morbidly amused at the prospect of ripping off the Philly Phanatic’s clothes. Every day at 4:30 he’d force that damn thing to strip on the 3rd Base line and he loved it every time.

Wasn’t afraid to slit a bitch’s throat if she declined an autograph or his invitation to sleep with him.

Jeff Russell was damn proud of the bomb he ripped just as the cameraman told him to say cheese.

Years after his playing days, Amos Otis revealed on an episode of Pro’s Versus Joe’s that Amos was a way better hitter than Otis, even though Otis landed much more tail. No one knew what the hell he was talking about—except for Herschel Walker.

After he struck out looking for the fifth time one Sunday afternoon, teammates poked Leo Hernandez with a needle and he deflated.

Palmer politicked his way to a center spot on the card next to two busted individuals, and even convinced the Topps crew to blow his “hair fan” during the shoot. Palmer definitely had a way with the ladies and male photographers.

As Venezuelan legend has it, Aponte was the first Red Sox pitcher to wear a bloody sock, only the blood was remnants from the daily Bloody Mary he had upon arriving at the clubhouse.

As soon as Oglivie strapped blue electric tape around his wrists, teammates knew he was in need of some crack.

When the outcome for Diaz’s neck surgery looked grim, surgeons successfully transplanted a Pez Dispenser into the space that previously occupied his neck.

The Donruss company won their lawsuit filed against Topps in a case collectors and vendors labeled “The McGaffigan Masterpiece”. No one screws with Donruss’ Diamond Kings.

Ned Yost never guessed his future would land him the team manager gig. It’s one of the reasons he got fired.

Williams’ gameface always made Williams uncomfortable.

Broderick Perkins always thought he’d be a player in the NBA with a name like Broderick Perkins. He got over it when he realized he could sit on his ass during the game and still bat as a DH. He thought that was so cool.