1984 Topps = A Pinata of Trash

JoeSportsFanSenior Analyst IApril 20, 2009

We welcome Week 3 of the baseball season with another pack of worthless baseball cards. You can’t put a price on these cards—mainly because they’re worthless—but also because the intangible value is so great.

Let’s see what we got here …

Paul Owens was morbidly amused at the prospect of ripping off the Philly Phanatic’s clothes. Every day at 4:30 he’d force that damn thing to strip on the 3rd Base line and he loved it every time.

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Wasn’t afraid to slit a bitch’s throat if she declined an autograph or his invitation to sleep with him.

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Jeff Russell was damn proud of the bomb he ripped just as the cameraman told him to say cheese.

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Years after his playing days, Amos Otis revealed on an episode of Pro’s Versus Joe’s that Amos was a way better hitter than Otis, even though Otis landed much more tail. No one knew what the hell he was talking about—except for Herschel Walker.

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After he struck out looking for the fifth time one Sunday afternoon, teammates poked Leo Hernandez with a needle and he deflated.

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Palmer politicked his way to a center spot on the card next to two busted individuals, and even convinced the Topps crew to blow his “hair fan” during the shoot. Palmer definitely had a way with the ladies and male photographers.

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As Venezuelan legend has it, Aponte was the first Red Sox pitcher to wear a bloody sock, only the blood was remnants from the daily Bloody Mary he had upon arriving at the clubhouse.

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As soon as Oglivie strapped blue electric tape around his wrists, teammates knew he was in need of some crack.

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When the outcome for Diaz’s neck surgery looked grim, surgeons successfully transplanted a Pez Dispenser into the space that previously occupied his neck.

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The Donruss company won their lawsuit filed against Topps in a case collectors and vendors labeled “The McGaffigan Masterpiece”. No one screws with Donruss’ Diamond Kings.

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Ned Yost never guessed his future would land him the team manager gig. It’s one of the reasons he got fired.

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Williams’ gameface always made Williams uncomfortable.

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Broderick Perkins always thought he’d be a player in the NBA with a name like Broderick Perkins. He got over it when he realized he could sit on his ass during the game and still bat as a DH. He thought that was so cool.