Only Cricket Before My Eyes..

Dec 4, 2003, 5:00 am.
“Hello and welcome to what promises to be an exhilarating contest between giants on the field and giants on paper, Australia and India, live from the Gabba, Brisbane” says Harsha Bhogle so jovially and excitedly that the childish cricket fan in you threatens to whoop and dance and wake the entire house.
Watching cricket on ESPN-Star has been pure joy for a cricket lover all these years. No gimmicks. Just cricket. Harsha Bhogle, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar, Alan Wilkins, all sit down and marvel Sachin’s straight drives and Ponting’s square cuts.

March 23, 2007, 5 pm.
“Welcome to India v Bangla.. sorry India v Sri Lanka, live from.. what was it? Yes, Port of Stain.. no Spain.. oh who cares.. Go India Go..” gushes Mandira Bedi, and we are subjected to a tirade of bad jokes, followed by celebrities promoting their movies and models giving pitch reports.
A certain Ian Chappell sitting in the corner of the studio is thinking: “Surely these people know who I am.. Surely at some point I will be asked to give my views..”
Finally the match begins.. or what seems to be the match behind all the advertisement logos popping on the screen. Each over has four deliveries. First and last delivery is sacrificed to bank insurance schemes and soft drinks.

If you want to torture Richie Benaud into revealing his darkest secrets, make him watch a live cricket match in India, on one of these profit-driven ‘sports’ channels. And profit they make. Because as of now, it seems as if ESPN-Star is hardly left with any rights.

The unofficially accepted notion that BCCI is constituted by businessmen and politicians, woefully ignorant and illiterate as far as the understanding of the game is concerned, comes to the fore during its showcase event- the IPL. Shortened boundaries, pitches devoid of vegetation, fireworks whose remains the players have to clean, and a cherry on the top- the cheerleaders. Can someone tell me why the franchises employ cheerleaders? To increase viewership? They believe that men would watch matches to watch the cheerleaders? What are we, animals?

The Indian sporting media competes with the BCCI on having cricketing sense, or the lack of it. For unfathomable reasons, news channels always get female reporters to cover matches, and whenever something eventful happens, instead of seeking cricket authoritarians like Harsha Bhogle or Ramachandra Guha, news channels run after the Sharad Pawars and the Rajiv Shuklas for getting their opinions. The other day, one of the leading English news channels was holding a group discussion regarding cricket, and who were the guests? Mandira Bedi and Shilpa Shetty among other 'cricket analysts'. And Preity Zinta is going around convincing everyone that she is not a dumb bimbo, but in fact an avid cricket enthusiast. Sure.
If you think that I have been watching too much of entertainment channels, you are wrong. These actresses have been constituting headlines on sports shows.

When I watch the Sky Sports team or the Channel 9 team sit around a table, a table with no ad logos, and discuss cricket, I wish I were English or Australian. Even Doordarshan spared us models talking about square mid-ons and sixth slips.

For the love of god, or for the love of money, spare us your cricketing knowledge. Can we watch some cricket, please?