Ryan Ludwick's Fourth Grade Teacher Sucks

While reading the hometown Post-Dispatch on Sunday, it became apparent that Ryan Ludwick’s fourth grade teacher deserved a solid beating some 20 years ago.

"

Ludwick still remembers a fourth-grade experience when a teacher at Stanford Elementary School in Las Vegas scolded him for writing that his dream was to become a major-league baseball player.

“You need to get a real dream,” Ludwick recalls being told.

"

Whoa! A “real dream”? Isn’t that the point of a dream, to strive and work towards achieving the seemingly impossible? Perhaps his dream should have been something like “make my fourth grade teacher look like an idiot”.

This same teacher probably hates Reading Rainbow. No way those students should be allowed to read works of fiction and pretend to take the place of the main characters. Imagination and daydreaming need be real!

This teacher, by the way, now works on the same staff as the principal with the huge wart on her chin.

“They’re all good kids, until dried out brain dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they’re no good!” You tell ‘em, Buck.

In the meantime, we here at the Morning Tailgate salute Ryan Ludwick with our ceremonial First Bratwurst. Here’s to another 37 homer, 113 RBI season—or at the very least, another season-long serving of humble pie to Mrs. Whateverhernamewas.

Mar. 10

1940 - Chuck Norris is born.  Rather than try to act like we just came up with a clever Chuck Norris joke, we’ll just provide the link.

1958 - Former Yankees pitcher Steve Howe is born.  Howe was suspended from the MLB 7 times for drug or alcohol abuse during his career.  He died in a 2006 car accident.   Sort of tough to work a joke in on that one.

1961 - Current Arkansas football coach, Bobby Petrino is born.  Ten minutes after he is born he begins flirting with a rival pediatrician to see if he can get a better deal.

1977 - Astronomers discover rings around Uranus.  Ha. ###MORE###

See headline writers, if you’re going to be clever with a players name, you can at least do so in a humorous manner, like Sportsline.com did with Mr. Tar Heel…

Alternatives for this picture included:

Brough-Mance

Brough-migo

The Brough (or Manzier)

Soul Brough

At least in our head that is.

Charles Barkley, hours after leaving jail, seeks vengeance on the man who put him in the slammer, the Big Boss Man.

Wearing nothing but a convict jumpsuit, Barkley attacks the Boss Man with a nightstick and basketball during an episode of Wrestling Challenge, rendering the law enforcement officer from Cobb County, Georgia unconscious.

The two square off several months later in a basketball-on-a-pole match, which the Boss Man wins convincingly. Days later we learn Barkley was drunk and bet the house on his adversary.

The Sports Bloggers Union issues an official statement aimed at the mainstream sports media on “our” turf.