NFL Power Rankings 2012: Bottom Feeders with No Hope of Climbing

Just focus on the draft.

While every NFL team currently has their eyes on the Lombardi Trophy, a handful at the bottom of 2012 NFL Power Rankings should already be thinking about next April instead. The following teams haven’t played a single game yet, but you’d be safe to bet your dog, house and spouse that they don’t sniff the playoffs, let alone the Super Bowl.

Here are five cellar-dwellers that don’t have the slightest shot at a ring, as well as a complete power rankings list.

5. Oakland Raiders

Expect a major step back for a Raiders team that went 8-8 in 2011. In Reggie McKenzie’s attempt to undo Al Davis’ countless moronic offseason acquisitions from last offseason, he practically blew up the entire roster.

Michael Bush, Kamerion Wimbley, Stanford Routt, Kevin Boss and countless others are gone. To revamp their roster, Oakland spent their first-round pick on—oh wait—they didn’t have a first-round pick because they traded it for Mr. Interception, a.k.a. Carson Palmer.

Well, at least they have Darren McFadden, right? Yeah, until he goes down with another injury. But knowing that he’s never played more than 13 games in a single season, the Raiders would obviously have a capable backup ready to step in and start, right?

Errrrr. Wrong. They replaced the talented Bush with Mike Goodson and his 501 rushing yards over three seasons: downright brilliant.

Oakland will be the worst team in perhaps the worst division in the AFC.

4. Minnesota Vikings

Tom Pelissero of ESPN reported that the Minnesota Vikings want Adrian Peterson to get some reps in the preseason. Minnesota better hope he doesn’t come back too soon and re-injure his knee because they’ll struggle to win a single game without him. Of course, even if he stays healthy they’re in trouble.

The Vikings entered the offseason without a true No. 1 wide receiver. In fact, Percy Harvin was the only capable target on the roster. To fix this problem, they signed Jerome Simpson—a one-year wonder that’ll be suspended for the first three games of the season after police interrupted the shipment of two pounds of marijuana being deliver to his home.

In other words, Minnesota will run All Day…all day this season.

On the other side of the ball, it’s unlikely that Harrison Smith, Josh Robinson and Chris Carr will be able to fix an ailing secondary. Smith and Robinson are just rookies while Carr is 29-years-old and has held a starting job just one season in his entire career. 

3. Miami Dolphins

What do Ryan Tannehill, Matt Moore and David Garrard have in common? None of them are capable starting quarterbacks. It’s cool, though—the Miami Dolphins had an ingenious plan this offseason to bolster their receiving corps to make up for a lack of talent under center.

They traded Brandon Marshall, a wide out who has recorded five-straight 1,000-yards seasons, and replaced him by signing Chad Ochocinco and Legedu Naanee—two receivers that racked up 743 yards and two touchdowns combined last year.

Thanks goodness Hard Knocks infiltrated the Dolphins’ training camp so the world could get a preview of one of, if not the most pitiful offense in the NFL. 

2. Cleveland Browns

I hear the Cleveland Browns’ front office is writing a book: How Not to Acquire a Respectable Starting Quarterback for Dummies. My sources tell me that the first chapter is about drafting 28-year-old QBs in the first round.

Trent Richardson better blow up. If not, Cleveland will be competing with the Dolphins to boast the most pitiful offense in the league. Greg Little, who finished second in the NFL in drops last season, and supplemental draft selection Josh Gordon, who hasn’t played football in a year due to a suspension, are the Browns’ top targets.

It won’t help soon-to-be-29-year-old Brandon Weeden that three of the league’s top 10 defenses play in their division either.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars

If Maurice Jones-Drew doesn’t end his holdout, Comedy Central should host a special program starring the Jacksonville Jaguars. During the regular season, they should provide live look-ins when the Jags’ offense enters the game. It’ll be that hilarious to witness their attempt to gain a yard.

The cherry on top is the fact that fans will actually be rewarded with an opportunity to watch their team on television, you know, after the game gets blacked out.

Blaine Gabbert recorded a pitiful passer rating of 65.4 in 2011. Of course, he didn’t get much help from his receivers or offensive line. But while Justin Blackmon will provide an upgrade at wide out, Lee Evans is a joke and Laurent Robinson’s stats will plummet without Tony Romo throwing him the football.

Matt Barkley, here they come.

Here are the complete power rankings:

1. New York Giants
2. Green Bay Packers
3. New England Patriots
4. San Francisco 49ers
5. Houston Texans
6. Chicago Bears
7. Philadelphia Eagles
8. Atlanta Falcons
9. Baltimore Ravens
10. Detroit Lions
11. Denver Broncos
12. Pittsburgh Steelers
13. Buffalo Bills
14. Dallas Cowboys
15. New Orleans Saints
16. Tennessee Titans
17. Kansas City Chiefs
18. Carolina Panthers
19. New York Jets
20. San Diego Chargers
21. Washington Redskins
22. Arizona Cardinals
23. Cincinnati Bengals
24. St. Louis Rams
25. Seattle Seahawks
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Oakland Raiders
29. Minnesota Vikings
30. Miami Dolphins
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Jacksonville Jaguars

David Daniels is a featured columnist at Bleacher Report and a syndicated writer.

Follow @TheRealDDaniels