NHL Vibe Check: 2023-24 Season Preview Featuring the Bruins, Sabres and Taylor Swift

Hello, besties.

It's been a long, cruel summer, but the NHL will be back in our living rooms in less than one month.

September is for remembering hockey exists in a way that is exciting but not overwhelming. Let me help you ease back into it with our first mailbag of the season.

Who is the most promising underdog? Who is the least promising top dog? Who is giving Billy Madison? Read on to find out...

The Most and Least Improved Teams Will Be...

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Charlie Coyle (left) and Mason McTavish could see their fortunes change as the Bruins and Ducks head into the the 2023-24 season.

I have to believe the Anaheim Ducks will improve the most next season, or it might actually break me as a person. I'm not even remotely a fan of this team, and I was rubbed particularly wrong by an Anaheim Uber driver who told me he asked David Backes if the fights were staged, but we cannot call whatever they were doing last season "hockey." I believe they will play hockey next season, and this will be the most improvement we get.

As for the biggest drop, the Bruins lost so much after a devastating playoff run, but maybe they were just curbing our expectations because I feel pretty chill about it now. They lost their two top centers of the past two decades and I'm barely batting an eyelash.

This situation feels like such a weird anomaly—no one expected them to be good at the start of last season, and then everyone expected them to win the Cup by the end. I think they'll end up where everyone thought they would last season, and people will cry.

Maybe the Jets will actually be the team that drops the most after all their departures, but I'm happy about the potential drop because they weren't going anywhere to begin with, and it was time.

The NHL and Adam Sandler Characters

Love the creativity with this one from the one and only mensch Jonny Lazarus.

Billy Madison: Jaromir Jagr, duh. You could argue his youthful spirit is the exact thing that's kept him playing this game—and playing it well—at 51 years old. We know he will never change, and we're glad.

Happy Gilmore: Ryan Whitney. His transition from hockey to golf has been well-documented on Spittin Chiclets, as have his tirades against everything including the Toronto Airport.

Hustle: Rod Brind'Amour. Isn't it funny to remember that up until recently, Jack Adams winner Brind'Amour wasn't a head coach and wasn't on any of the "top 10 assistant coaches to watch" lists. But like Stanley Sugarman, he's always had the persistent work ethic and love of the game to transcend. He also has the knack to develop more under-the-radar players into the stars he knows they can be.

Big Daddy: This is actually a documentary about Jordan Martinook adopting Andrei Svechnikov.

Eight Crazy Nights: Quinn Hughes. OK, the plot description of this movie is way darker than I remember it when watching with my family on Hanukkah, and now I'm having an existential crisis about all Sandler movies. But since Hughes is a fellow Jew, his whole family is playing together on a successful team while he is on his own in Vancouver, and a trailer gets burned to the ground, we have to give Hughes Davey Stone. Maybe this stint on the Canucks has been his community service all along.

The End of Our Cruel Summer: Another Taylor Swift-NHL Comparison

AP Photo/Ashley Landis

We're back on our Taylor Swift comparisons with the NHL

We're knocking out two birds with one stone here: My preseason top 10, and their respective Taylor Swift eras. In no—and I stress, no—particular order:

Vegas Golden Knights: Midnights. This is a mature concept album about staying up all night and the relief of Karma. Not sure how more "Vegas Golden Knights" you can get.

Carolina Hurricanes: Fearless. "I don't know how it gets better than this"—I'm going to keep it real with the Hurricanes and anyone else in their Fearless era—it literally doesn't. Please make it count this year. You're in your prime.

Edmonton Oilers: Reputation. A lot of people probably think this would be the Leafs, and that's exactly where so many get the Reputation era wrong. There will be no explanation, there will be no Will Arnett documentaries gone awry and there will be no Justin Bieber. There will just be Reputation and Connor McDavid looking more exasperated by the second. He's so real for that. Reputation is about that realness.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Speak Now. This album is all about going for what you want, being embarrassing, pining, and above all else, it's about pretending not to care what people think about you.

New Jersey Devils: Red (Taylor's Version). The Devils of Yore are beginning again in a completely different, shockingly fun way. The Red album has confusing, devastating moments, but at its heart, it's all about regeneration and being young while having hope.

Seattle Kraken: Lover. This is our place. We make the rules! This album is heralded as a love album, but in reality, it's about the anxiety of finding new love you think could be "it," praying to God you don't lose it and swearing off New York City.

Dallas Stars: Folklore. This album is about passing down stories and folk songs to a younger generation with the hopes that they'll take the lessons and be what you wish you could've been.

New York Rangers: 1989 (Taylor's Version). How could I not? The Taylor's version distinction is because it's a new era—there was so much pressure on the former successful Rangers teams. Swift's new 1989 artwork is the only album she's smiling on, as a symbol of letting go of that pressure. That's exactly how these new Rangers win.

Los Angeles Kings: Evermore. Like Swift herself, I'm not terribly invested in this album. But I know it's good, am not surprised when it finds success and the diehards die hard for it. This is exactly how I feel about the L.A. Kings lately.

Colorado Avalanche: Debut. Mark Hoppus was also just thinking how you don't have a song...

Giving Them Their Flowers

AP Photo/Adrian Kraus

Is it breakout time for Rasmus Dahlin?

I once asked Hurricanes defenseman Brett Pesce about the concept of being underrated, and he shared my frustrations. What does underrated even mean? What happens when something underrated gets recognized, becomes adequately rated for 10 seconds and then everyone suddenly knew it before it was cool?

I don't like the concept of rating, especially underrating. But I love asking ourselves who should and will get more recognition next year.

I do believe it's the year of Rasmus Dahlin. This leads us to...

Racing to the Top

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Would we want to see Penguins GM Kyle Dubas compete in a relay race?

Oh boy, I have to say I'm always loving the dedication people have to their fantasy football teams. This is a creative ability I didn't even know many men had, considering a lot of them can barely plan a date, but it's genuinely lovely to see them care about the broskis and being right about sports to this degree.

Perhaps we're bringing "caring about things" back with fantasy drafts, and I love that, but I digress.

We need Panthers assistant GM Paul Krepelka in the Rizz portion of the relay, Hurricanes assistant GM Eric Tulsky in the Jeopardy portion of the relay, Wild GM Bill Guerin at the Beer Olympics portion of the relay and Blackhawks GM Kyle Davidson at the street smarts portion of the relay.

We need Oilers president Ken Holland at the "how to be the most unfireable person in the room" portion of the relay, Penguins president Kyle Dubas at the "how to be the most fireable person in the room and still succeed" portion of the relay and Ray Shero to be there for the vibes.

Did I do this right? Probably not.

Talking Playoffs

AP Photo/Mary Altaffer

The Islanders made the playoffs last year, but the Sabres didn't. Will that change?

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One team that made the playoffs last season that will miss: the New York Islanders. The Metro is just too hard, and while I respect GM Lou Lamoriello for not caring, the doing-nothing approach is flying far too close to the sun.

One team that makes the playoffs this year that didn't last year: Give me the Buffalo Sabres or I will really get mad this time. And that will show them!

A Sneak Preview of Style Rankings

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You'll see a lot of David Pastrňák in this season's Style Rankings.

A new NHL season means new style rankings, am I right, folks?!

It's really hard to pick a singular look, but I think the vibe of 2023 was winning the IDGAF war. And Patrik Laine singlehandedly won the IDGAF war.

This always happens after a collectively traumatic event, but things might settle in 2023-24. David Pastrňák always walks the line between wearable and runway, and I suspect that might get even better next year with his new contract and with folks getting less daring and more normie chic.

I do secretly hope William Nylander busts in like the Kool-Aid Man and proves me wrong. I think he can do it.

Bruins Corner

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It'll be a different look for the Bruins this season, but Brad Marchand is back and ready to go.

Whew, the Boston Bruins! I remember when Charlie McAvoy signed his deal, he mentioned the team discounts other Bruins took to be there and how it inspired him to pitch in. The most notable egregious contracts have been multiple deals Patrice Bergeron and David Krejčí have signed, both of them coming in at $1 million each last season.

Both of them, among others, have always done this, with the expectation that others signing contracts would follow suit with the common goal of winning the Stanley Cup. This has worked out for the Bruins pretty well in the past, but all good things come to an end, and now Zdeno Chára, Bergeron and Krejčí are all retired—and to be clear, they gave absolutely everything to the Bruins and left a winning legacy. You commend these hometown deals, but suddenly two impossible center holes need to be filled.

On the other hand, players like Brad Marchand and David Pastrňák and the goalie tandem of Jeremy Swayman and reigning Vezina Trophy winner Linus Ullmark still exist.

What do we make out of all of this?

I really don't know. I find it impossible that the Bruins will make the playoffs without their two unbelievably inexpensive top-line centers. I find it equally impossible that they will not succeed with Pastrňák, Marchand and the said goalie tandem returning.

It's funny, my realistic expectation is a first-round exit, and that's what was so devastating last season.