Dear Washington Redskins Fans: Blame This Loss on Me

Midway through the first quarter of yesterday’s game between the Washington Redskins versus the Cincinnati Bengals, I fell asleep.

I was the victim of a long work week, and there was little intrigue to be had in this clash of the untitans.

Or so I thought.

Through the first quarter, it was like watching game film from last week’s loss to the Ravens.

On Washington’s opening drive, Campbell was feeling the defensive pressure surround him as usual.

He sees the pocket collapsing, and does what he should do, if given the time to complete the play.

Seldom used as a first option, Campbell sees Chris Cooley down the right side of the field, and fires a perfect bullet into Captain Chaos’ paws.

It was going to be a big gainer.

Or so I thought.

Cooley drives ahead pounding through the “Bungles” secondary, seeking those elusive yards after the catch.

Then he loses the ball and the play is all for naught.

This is the pinnacle of the Redskins’ season, and the playmakers are not executing plays.

Cincinnati takes the ball from the spot of the fumble, and promptly bowls over the poor run defense like a boiling pot of beans.

With less than five minutes into the game, the Skins’ are down 7-0.

Insert sighs of discontent here.

I reach for my cuddle duds, grab a blanket, and tell my husband, wake me up when we score.

It was better for our relationship, if I took a timeout, because to say I take things personally when the Skin’s lose, is an understatement to the third power.

Going into the second quarter, the burgundy and gold are down 14-0, and have had the ball for four offensive possessions.

The results of these horrific series are as follows.

Fumble, Punt, Punt, and Punt.

Congratulations all around for the offensive offense.

The Skin’s best player, at this point is Ryan Plackemeier. 

He finished the game with six punts for an average of 48.3 yards per kick. 

Fabulous!

Cincinnati had to start their offensive series deep in their own territory.  

As I am dreaming of the Skin’s hey day in the late '80s, I hear the sudden cheers of my faithful guy, and I wrestle from my pleasant slumber.

Washington’s offense was waking up, just as the crusties were shed from my tired eyes.

Finally, on the Skin’s second possession of the second quarter, they started to execute an actual gameplan.

Campbell led an eight-play drive that began on the Bengals 40-yard line.

It was a steady diet of Clinton Portis’ smash-mouth running, the magical formula that Jim Zorn owes most of his team’s seven wins too, that got things moving in a competitive direction.

Portis rushed for 27 yards on five carries during this possession.

Zorn chose to pass twice, both passes of course going to Santana Moss, because Jason sees one option, or doesn’t get rid of the ball quick enough.

That is the truth, but on this drive the run set up the pass, which is supposed to happen when executed correctly.

On the eighth play, Campbell connected with No. 89 for a 10-yard touchdown pass to make the score 17-7.

It also ate time off the clock, and turned what was going to be a laughable effort from the Skins’ into a game worth staying up for.

Or so I thought.

Moss on the ensuing kickoff, committed a confidence-killing, 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

He took out a towel he keeps in his pants, and pretended to shine the ball.

Dude, celebrate when the game is won, not when you just did what you are paid to do.

I don’t slam a UPS package down, when I complete a task assigned to me, exclaiming “Go me.”

Move on, and keep digging your fingers in the dirt until it is quitting time partner.

The Skin’s defense held Cincinnati to a three-and-out series on both of their second quarter possessions.

In turn, the offense managed another scoring drive, which resulted in a 23-yard field goal by the NFL’s worst kicker.

My husband nicknamed him “Shaun Missem” after the Giants game two weeks ago.

He has made 24 of 33 field goal attempts on the season.

His misses have come from beyond 40 yards, and seem to veer towards the right a lot.

Maybe if he lines up from the far left, then the ball might have a chance to go through the uprights as intended.

Anyway, this late drive ended with points on the board for the Skins’ as halftime comes calling.

The score is 17-10, and the game is beginning to look like it has meaning.

Or so I thought.

Washington’s fate was sealed when Mike Sellers failed to score from inside the one-yard line.

Campbell had taken the ball down the field for an 80-yard third quarter drive.

Zorn had four offensive plays to punch the ball in, and he didn’t get in done either.

But what was astounding, is not only did Washington not come away points, they turned the ball over to Cincinnati for a touchback.

Sellers on third and goal, jumped too early, in an attempt to break the plane of the goal line.

If successful, the Skins’ would be in business, and the score would be tied at 17-17.

Instead he landed short of the end zone, got the ball swiped out of his hands, and the rest is Redskins futile history.

Zorn kept Portis on the sidelines for this goal line push.  

I wonder if the Clinton Portis-Jim Zorn dog and pony show is still bothering the Slim Jim a little.

“The genius who knows what he is doing,” as Portis ranted on the radio last week, might not be inclined to give CP as much playing time as the season is almost mercilessly over.

In case you are still reading this article, Cincinnati scored two more field goals.

The Skins got a late fourth quarter field goal from Shaun Missem, and the game ended in a Bengals 20-13 victory.

The moral of this story is simple.

I stay asleep, Zorn gives the ball the Portis on the quarter yard line, and the Skins’ tie the score.

I am convinced I am bad luck.

The Skins drop to 7-7 and are losers of five out of their last six games.  

And like me they are going to be home for the holidays.

Bah humbug!