New York Jets: Time for New Rules

No joke, my keyboard shorted out yesterday when I started working on this week’s post. Coincidence? I think not. The last two games have been nothing but abysmal for Jets fans and my venom must have leaked from my fingers and fried the keyboard.

The venom is green, in case you wanted to know—and it glows in the dark.

What the Jets appear to be missing is a big set of steel balls.

We look timid. Afraid. Very much like Daniel-san in the first Karate Kid. 

We’re so close to getting the girl but because of our own stupid pranks, (gadget play calls) we’re in a shower costume getting chased and beaten up by teenage skeletons.  Where is Miyagi when your secondary needs him?

The forced delay in posting this gave me time to cool my jets and reflect upon our situation. The only real change is that there is zero room to wiggle here. 

We must win out. 

We know it, the players know it, and the coaches know it. Actually, I’m not so sure about that one. 

The coaches have appeared clueless at times (read: all of the time) and it is an extension of their timidity that caused the Jets to get swept out from under them. (Damn you, Johnny!)

I’d like to help Mangini by passing a new Jet law that will be applied to the Jets' offense from now until the end of time...unless there needs to be an amendment in the future which we can vote on later, uh, in the future.

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Any time the Jets have the ball within 40 yards of the end zone on the opponent's side of the field, a 4th-and-1 shall not result in a punt.  It will be either a 1) field goal attempt 2) first down for the Jets 3) touchdown or 4) turnover on downs. It will not be a punt. 

When we are in the above situation, there will be no punting. This rule does not necessarily apply in inclement weather or in game situations where we are attempting to run out the clock, but for the most part punting will not be an option. 

Punting on your opponent's side of the field displays a lack of confidence in your offense to move the ball and your defense to stop your opponent from moving the ball. 

In short, your team looks like a bunch of chicken s%!&s trying to play football and will probably lose the game.

Wow, I feel so much better with that out in the open.

 Sean Ellis got busted with some weed in his car.

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So what?

This probably made Mangini happy knowing that Ellis wasn’t out boozing late nights and it explains why Ellis has been showing up to practice with homemade t-shirts for everybody. 

Pot takers don’t like to be around drunk people—too unpredictable.

People who take the pot stay home and do Martha Stewart-ish arts and crafts stuff or play video games. Had Plaxico been smoking pot on his couch the only gun that would have gone off would have been the one he was aiming with his Playstation controller.  Instead? Ouch...that had to hurt...your sense of self-respect.

At the beginning of the season when Chad was fresh in Miami and Favre was still in the first chapter of the playbook I told my buddy, “If it comes down to beating Duck Pennington in New York the last game of the season, I’ll take that any day.”

He couldn’t believe the Jets gave Pennington the ability to stay in our already incestuous division and, while I agree with him, Chad doesn’t scare me one bit. 

I’m happy that he’s winning. If he wasn’t in our division I’d be rooting for him. But since he is, “Death by Interception!” Chad had to go.

I can’t wait till I can have a conversation with whatever football fan I’m talking to and I don’t have to keep repeating that sentence.  It’s even on my answering machine right now.

We’ve had two obscenely awful back-to-back losses. To those of you out there still in the doldrums, I’m going to share the mantra that’s kept me operational. We’re in first place and have an easy schedule ahead of us.

Yes, we lost some games we should have won but we also beat the crap out of the best team in the league.  (Here comes the mantra.) Week nine's victory against Buffalo galvanized this team.

That win gave the Jets the momentum to beat the Patriots in New England and then two-step all over the Titans' undefeated record. 

Look who’s coming to town.

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Good Afternoon, you’ve reached Chris at Hot Stove New York and I’m away from my desk right now.  Sorry I couldn’t get your call but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Chad Pennington had to go.  Mangini didn’t want to spend another year stuck with a gadget offense.  Thanks for calling.

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Do people still use answering machines?