If I Were The Queen Of This Year's NASCAR Banquet

Today, I happened to be listening to the Sirius NASCAR channel, and one of the callers said, "I would rather stick a fork in my eye than watch the NASCAR banquet this year."  While that seemed a little extreme to me, I can certainly relate.

Have you ever watched one of the NASCAR championship banquets?  You just really have to feel for your drivers as they could not appear any more uncomfortable or out of place.

The one year Kasey Kahne made the Chase and had to speak at the banquet, I honestly thought he was going to throw up or faint dead away.  Almost every one of the drivers, including the champion Jimmie Johnson, admits that getting up there and making their speech is more frightening than the big one at Talladega.

In past years, the master of ceremonies has been stilted at best. The comedian for the event left no one laughing and some even a little upset with their pokes, jabs and attempts to be funny.  The musical talent has also often fallen flat and seemed completely out of place.

So, if I were appointed Queen of this year's NASCAR Championship Banquet, here is what I would do to spice up the proceedings:

*Drivers would be permitted to come in whatever clothes they would like.  Forget the penguin suits; only Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson can effectively pull off describing their designer outfits.  Le€t the rest show off their Wranglers or their best Hugo Boss shirt.

*Forget the comedians who know nothing about NASCAR.  Bring on Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy (they "get"$ the sport and would definitely have some fun - as well as actually be funny.

*Do away with the Teleprompters.  Forget all those canned speeches and dry holiday wishes.  Let the drivers "wing it" and say whatever they want to say, from their hearts.

*Ban any and all tributes to the three time champion Jimmie Johnson.  Instead of every driver getting up there and paying homage, let them instead roast Jimmie, sharing their most wicked or fun Jimmie Johnson stories, if they exist of course.

*Bring on Junior Johnson as the Master of Ceremonies.  Forget Dr. Jerry Punch or any of the media talking heads.  Let's hear instead from someone who grew up in the sport and can really tell some stories.

*Let a fan of each top driver present the award.  The fans are what make the sport and they should participate in the reward and recognition of the Chase drivers.

*Put the team members on the floor of the ballroom.  Banish the sponsors and the other muckety-mucks to the other rooms to watch on the big screens.  The teams are the ones that got their drivers there and they should be in the Waldorf Astoria Ball Room with their drivers to celebrate.

*Require each driver, especially this year, to donate a portion of his winnings to a fund for newly unemployed drivers, crew members or race team members.  For once, let the sport actually do some good at the banquet, instead of just patting themselves on their own backs.

If I were Queen of this year's NASCAR Banquet, that's certainly what I would do.  And maybe, just maybe, there would be no more NASCAR fans sticking forks in their own eyes.