Fantasy Football Team Names: Outrageous Fantasy Names You Must Use

Gabe Zaldivar@gabezalPop Culture Lead WriterAugust 16, 2011

Fantasy Football Team Names: Outrageous Fantasy Names You Must Use

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    The fantasy football season does not truly begin until you find one. I am not referring to a dark horse running back or a stout QB. I am talking about a fantasy football team name, and it better be funny. 

    There is nothing worse than showing up at your draft with a lame team name. OK, drafting a kicker in the first six rounds would be far worse, but I digress. 

    Before you begin to worry about average draft position or sleeper picks, you need to worry about your team name. This is not the time for flippant decisions. 

    The name you pick now will determine how other managers will view your team on draft day. You want a name so immensely witty that they will lose their ability to clown you.

    Just when they open their mouths to deride your team, they will stammer and find they are without retort. And that is when you know, you have won the first of many battles.

    That is what a clever moniker lends you, the fantasy owner. It is a way to get a leg up on the competition in one eye-rolling, sigh-inducing moment.

    Here we will delve into the land of the absurd. We embark on a hilarious journey through puns so perfect, you will wonder why you never thought of them.  

    We can do better than Touchdown There. You bet your TD's that we can drum a more explosive name than Revis and Butthead.

    Here is a rundown on the names so outrageous they enter the realm of perfection. Just when your buddy comes at you with Cassel Greyskull, you will scream that you have something better. That is when you blow him away with one of these babies.   

    You may be ready to sit at your computer for an online draft. Or you could very well enter a friend's house for an ol' fashioned type of fantasy draft. Either way you better come prepared with a fantasy team name that is both funny and topical.

    This is the NFL, baby. So hit hard.  

10. You're Under Burress

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    This is an obvious one, but so topical that it has to be mentioned. It is also fun to play with it a little to suit your needs. 

    Burrested Development is a good one. So is Resisting Burrest I would also accept, Stop Shooting Yourself, Plaxico

9. Jerber Baby

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    This one goes out to the Packers fans that can't get enough of Jermichael Finley. Or, as I like to call him, JerMikey. 

    Now when he scores in the red zone on a Rodgers pass, you can stand up and shout, Jerber Baby!

8. Droppin' Tebows

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    I like this one for you rare sub-sect of NFL fans. These are the rabid Tim Tebow fans that are still resigned to the fact that he is as worthless as any second- or third-string quarterback. 

    That means you will be certainly drafting the most famous bench-warmer in the business with your 10th-round pick. You know, just to make sure you get him. 

    Then you will drop him in Week 10 when you finally realize that this "winner" is destined to ride the pine the rest of the year. 

7. What Are You Kaeding Me?

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    Kickers are really only good for two things during the season, frustration and team names. I really enjoy using these NFL players because they are borderline athletes at best. 

    Now I will expect to get hate mail from high school kickers that swear their letterman jackets are legit. 

6. What Chu Talkin' Bout Hillis

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    Last year's superb success story deserves a spot in your league with this moniker. You can also go with a King of the Hillis if you like. 

    Either way, if you draft him, you are going to want to skirt the Madden curse that will surely hit him at some point this season. 

    Perhaps your witty name will save him from disaster. 

5. Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood

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    Every single league has one: a Packers fan. The one way to get under their skin from the start is to draft Aaron Rodgers before they have a chance to. 

    If you have never seen a grown man cry, try this trick. You will see this cheesehead scream that you were reaching by taking their beloved grizzly bear with the first pick. But you don't care because you just drove your buddy to tears. 

    If you happen to be this guy, then make sure you get the first overall pick. 

4. Taste the Dwayne Bowe

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    There are some names that stick with you and make you chuckle all day. That is why I had to include this oldie, but goodie. 

    This will have you muttering the team name to yourself all day. 

3. Scobee Snacks

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    Sometimes you have to change your team name after the draft, as my brother did in 2007. That is when he drafted kicker Josh Scobee. 

    With his final pick, he decided that his team name would be Scobee Snacks after picking up kick returner, Josh Scobey, with his final selection. 

    He kept both players all year just to have the name remain valid. He didn't win. However, he did manage to have the best team name in the league that year. 

    Please feel free to draft the best place kicker in the biz this year. With him comes vital points on Sunday as well as childhood memories of the Mystery Machine. Roh Roh.

2. Albert Haynesworth Ate My Homework

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    Albert Haynesworth is the most vilified player in the NFL. He also happens to be on the chunkier side of fat.

    In fact, he has the power to demolish a cheesecake just by staring at it. Hamburgers and chili-cheese fries shiver at his presence. He is fat is what I am getting at. 

    I Got My Haynes on Food works too. 

1. Mark Sanchez Babysitter's Club

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    We all know that Mark Sanchez is loving life. He is knee-deep into the Manhattan lifestyle as the NFL's newest incarnation to Joe Namath. 

    The one thing that separates them is Namath likes women like Suzy Kolber, and Sanchez likes girls that are, well, girls.  

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