Five Possible Roommate Choices for New England Patriots WR Chad Ochocinco

Last week, newly acquired New England Patriots wide receiver Chad Ochocinco announced his search for a roommate to help acclimate him to his new life in the Northeast. Stating that his only requirements are high speed internet and Xbox, Ochocinco did not elaborate on additional preferences for his new housemate.

As speculation about 85's roommate grows, I've compiled my list of five fellas Bill Belichick and his Patriot staff would favor for the role:
 
1.) Shaquille O'Neal - This practical Big Fella could be a godsend to the whimsical Ochocinco. Shaq elevated his sports celebrity status while a Celtic last year and augmented his position as one of the top athletes on Twitter. However, the Big Aristotle turned Big Shaq-tus turned Big Shamock sputtered athletically in Boston, never finding his Big Diesel groove.

Shaq should be instrumental in helping the Pats by showing Ochocinco ways to eschew the Twitter nonsense and to develop his legacy as the sterling wideout he should become in New England.
 
2.) Albert Haynesworth - This modern day Odd Couple arrangement could bode well for both new Pats. After getting better acquainted, Ochocinco's ebullience and non-stop chatter would soon prove monstrously annoying to the massive, low key lineman. Plus, once the beefy-fingered Haynesworth bears the repeated brunt of Ochocinco Xbox whippings, domestic discord would quickly follow, forcing Ochocinco to scamper away from an enraged Haynesworth, thus benefiting both men.

Ochocinco would continue to hone his elusiveness, and Haynesworth would probably lose the required extra poundage chasing 85 around their new crib.
 
3.) A Career Counselor - This would be an unexpected perk for the speedy WR in anticipation for his post football playing days. Ochocinco has clearly demonstrated an inability to focus solely on football while wallowing in his career as a Bengal. Now resurrected in New England, Ochocinco could quickly learn from a professional career counselor.

A good career coach could direct the former Bengal's boundless energy into an effective 80-catch season in a Pats uniform while convincing him that bull riding is more dangerous than football, playing in the MLS requires more skill than he currently possesses, and 'Dancing with the Stars' should never be a serious career choice.
 
4.) Wes Welker - Bunking with a new Patriot teammate, especially this All-Pro "Slot Machine," would yield immeasurable benefits for the constantly chattering WR. The cerebral Welker would school 85 on all the idiosyncrasies of the Pats offense and extol the virtues of playing in a successful system with Super Bowl winning QB Tom Brady.

More importantly, Welker could share firsthand with Ochocinco that no individual player, not him nor Randy Moss, will ever supersede New England's no nonsense coaching style, under-the-media-radar culture and unbreakable team chemistry.
 
5.) The Average Fan - more than likely Ochocinco's probable, but unknowingly pragmatic choice, will be rooming with an average fan. Seizing what he considers another personal marketing coup, Ochocinco will probably select a hard-working laborer who will be grateful for the opportunity to open his home to the new Pat.

However, the charismatic but shrewd Ochocinco will learn fast from the new roomy that fans are growing increasingly weary of unrelenting, self-promoting, multi-millionaire athletes afflicted with a need for constant affirmation.

Ochocinco will see first hand that the average fan is not only grateful for the recent end to the NFL lockout. The average fan is grateful for a steady job that covers his mortgage, helps him make a car payment, and leaves a little extra left over to actually afford a Patriots ticket to see him play football.....and not tweet, dance, ride a bull or kick a soccer ball.
 
For Ochocinco, learning a lesson like that from the average fan, would be the "ultimate catch!"
 
Straight talk. No static.
 
MIKE - thee ultimate talking head on sports!
 
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