Office Watercooler Talk Weekly: Craziest Sports Videos of Last Week

Everybody wants to be the guy in the know. You want to be the guy standing around the water cooler at work with your buddies asking them "did you see that?" You don't want to be the guy admitting that he didn't, in fact, see "that."

That's where I come in. I'm here to give you the stuff people actually want to talk about. Everybody already knows the Mavs won the NBA Championship, but you get to be the guy talking about the "Mavaliers" and that hilarious "If I Could Be Like Dirk" video none of your friends have seen yet.

Trust me. Check out these videos from the past week and you'll be the go-to guy for awesome videos and sports news in your office. Everybody likes that guy.

You can thank me later. 

John Wall Can't Throw a Baseball

John Wall is an incredible athlete.

Well, okay, he's an incredible basketball player. Because I have to believe that an "athlete" could throw a first pitch better than that.

No John Wall dance could get him out of this embarrassing situation. Come on, John, this is the city that watched Stephen Strasburg pitch last year. They know the ball is supposed to go over the plate.

We can only hope this motivates him to kill it on the basketball court next year. At the very least we know he won't pull a Jordan and retire to play baseball. 

Jordan Jefferson Doesn't Know His Jeffersons

I feel bad for the kid. You don't go on ESPN expecting a history lesson.

Seriously, as bad as this seems (he doesn't know who Thomas Jefferson is! Did he even go to class?!?!?!), put yourself in his shoes. He's obviously surprised by this and just blurted out the Jefferson that he was most familiar with.

Hell, I might even make that mistake. Only I would have tried to play it off by singing "Movin' On Up" and made some inappropriate joke about how both Jeffersons had the same taste in women. That's probably why it's best that I'm not famous.

New "Moneyball" Trailer

Scott Hatteberg! Slow motion walk sequences! Fabio namedrop! The trailer for "Moneyball" has everything you could possibly want in a movie.

Okay, in all seriousness, this movie looks great. It's Brad Pitt in a Fincher movie written by Aaron Sorkin. It's almost assured to be on par with "The Social Network."

That being said, how did this movie get made?

Seriously. They didn't win the championship, this isn't the Yankees, there's no talking animals...it's as if Hollywood wasn't even paying attention when this got green-lit.

"Oh, what's that Mr. Pitt? Sure, sure. Make whatever movie you want, you handsome devil you." 

Regis Gets Awkward with Michelle Beadle

When ESPN Sports Nation's Michelle Beadle agreed to co-host "Regis & Kelly," somehow I doubt she ever could have imagined this would come up. If I were her, I'd assume there would be more sports-related questions. Apparently not.

Look, it's Reeg, you gotta stay on your toes, we all know this. And Beadle handled it well. But come on now Regis, you can't go asking a girl these kinds of questions the first time you meet her. 

Who do you think you are? Pat Burrell?

Vancouver Riot Couple Speaks

In case you were mesmerized by the picture at the beginning of this slideshow (we all were, it's okay), you probably have some interest in this interview.

The Vancouver Riot Couple, as I believe they're being referred to, were identified (by his parents, no less) and now they're talking to the media.

Turns out it wasn't the passionate moment it appeared to be ("Who cares if there's a riot going on? I must have you now!), it was still pretty sweet.

She got knocked down and he bent down to comfort her and kissed her. Men, we should all be so chivalrous.

Jozy Altidore's Laser

This has been a long time coming.

We've all believed in Jozy from the beginning. He had the raw physical talent to become an all-out superstar for the USA National Team. Unfortunately, all that talent has yet to be realized as actual skill.

But then, in an exhibition game against Guadeloupe, Altidore let loose this rocket and the country* rejoiced at what may possibly mark the beginning of the Jozy Altidore era for US Soccer.

*By "country" I mean the two percent of Americans that really care about soccer all that much.

Be Like Dirk

Watch the video here.

Remember those Be Like Mike commercials? Holy crap, those were the best. We've all been out in our backyards trying Jordan's signature moves. Falling short, of course, but still giving them a shot.

Nobody has really done that with Dirk. There's not a ton of kids out there working on his one-footed fall-away jumper while they're at a 45 degree angle from the ground. Well, not until now.

Funny or Die has imagined what it might seem like if kids really did aspire to be a seven-foot German with shaggy hair and a goatee. It's as hilarious as you might imagine.

"Mavaliers" Celebration

The only people more excited about Dallas' victory over Miami in the NBA Finals were Cavs fans, participating in one of the most widespread examples of schadenfreude in history.

The self-proclaimed "Mavaliers" just wanted to see LeBron fail. That's all.

As good as a victory, right fellas? No? Yeah, didn't think so.

See, even though LeBron didn't get his ring (yet), Cleveland is still pretty terrible. Him getting a ring isn't going to make things worse. Just let all that anger go. prepare yourselves to start loving Kyrie Irving, and start actually rooting for your team instead of rooting against another one.

Trust me, it's more fun that way. 

Vancouver Riot Flash Bang Surprise

The Vancouver riot videos are hard to watch. People acting like animals, terrifying their fellow citizens, and destroying things just because they can.

But in all the hours of bad footage, we get 20 seconds of glory. 20 seconds of pure, juvenile goodness.

So when you walk into your office, crowd around the watercooler at work and ask if anybody saw the guy take flash bang grenade to the groin, you're the one that gets to gleefully show it to them.

Like I said before, you're welcome.