The Grand Tour: My Halfway House Column of Sports and Shenanigans

Today, you are all no longer Warriors. I shed a tear for you all, by the Triumvirate hath decided to tighten things up. The ball's in our court, Addicts.

Yes, that's right. You cannot think for yourselves. Your dependence rules you. Luckily you thrive off Our Word. So here we are, The Halfway House, ready to supply you with written morphine. Consider this blog you're IV.

We know you love it. So don't B.S. the B.S.ers.

Might as well get used to your new digs. Imagine Route 66 Bed and Breakfast mixed with a straight jacket and windows with bars. We don't care if you see and hear the entertainment, but no touch!

We call this the Lawrence Taylor method. Learn from his mistakes. Obviously Venoy Overton didn't. Mr. Huskie took a play out of Butters Stoch's prostitution playbook. Pimpin' ain't easy, especially when your transactions are on credit.

The real Mac Daddy this week is Sir Rory McIlroy. I think he forgot about the last few holes of last year. It's OK, without The Collapse I would never have watched golf that day. It's always good in golf to channel past anger into future success instead of bent drivers. Oh but it's ok, they can just buy a better one. If only that would be possible for me, I'd safely wreck my Civic and spring for an Escalade.

Since we're talking cars, I'm sure Ohio State has tapped into this draft as I type away. We get it, Ohio State's goose is cooked. But not even TMZ probes this far into unsuspecting celebrities. Let's either let their side of the story be heard, or have August 12 come sooner.

Too bad that's not possible, so let's just pile on some more. How about a bit of irony too? Throw Doug Archie into the fire. Yep, even the Buckeyes' NCAA Compliance Director is involved with the use of courtesy cars. It's good to know the guy with the job of making sure Ohio State acts and looks like Good Little Boys is a bit of a gambler.

I hope he at least doesn't roll red lights. I'm looking straight at you @TPeezy2. No hard feelings though; I hope my Cincinnati MikeBrown's give you a shot.

Mazel Tov to the Beantown Bruins. You've made Titletown a bit brighter for a while. Almost as bright as the Vancouver fires. I don't know what's funnier: a couple's kiss headlining the riot's photo gallery or USA skating circles around Canada sport's as maple syrup glued the puck to the back of Robert Luongo's net.

Actually what's funniest is Jim Rome Burning about the burning fires. That deserves a Burnception hashtag for my fellow Housekeeper Bennett Kaplan. Please write something so people don't give me all the credit for the site.

In the spirit of hashtags, I present to you Tweet Peak, where us Housekeepers will share some of the more interesting tweets on our timelines:

The first, and I don't know why I'd put him first, is @Schraffy. My dear friend can be very stubborn sometimes when it comes to discussions. That is an understatement, trust me. He also gets certain rushes of entitlement from time to time:

"My twitter "awards of the week" will be announced tomorrow at 11:00, see if you get one! #getready"

First off, folks, if you know Nick Schraffenberger, please take a photo of this tweet, develop it and mount it somewhere for all to see. This is a rare instance where typos do not occur in a @Schraffy statement. My tennis teammate Chad Chessin even has a count going for his mistakes. Last time I checked 300 was in the rearview mirror.

See what I mean by entitled? @Schraffy, your my boy Blue, but your awards are as insignificant as your typos are frequent. All is well, though. You're going to be very successful in your engineering ventures. You're one smart cookie.

The celebrity Tweet Peak goes to @darrenrovell. While I do not have a specific tweet, I'll say this: your headline contest winners are extremely iffy. I'm pretty sure I've given gold for each contest and still no recognition. Same for Brandon Sosna. We're headline gurus. "VAN-LOSER" is not winning material. I can't wait until I am verified, because my headline contests will give shout outs to all you ThinkTanks...

Fellow Cincinnatians, how 'bout Stubby? An inside-the-park job last night. Leave it to George Grande to be the lucky announcer to describe the event. Thank goodness the Cowboy did not call it. I swear he's made home runs sound like pop-ups.

Wake me when tHom comes back on.

Finally, Addicts, I'll leave you to make yourself at home. The Grand Tour will be back soon, to lead you on another journey. I'm off now to make my speech why I should be Anthony Weiner's replacement.

A clip to cure: Shaq Plays Scrabble by His Own Rules - The NBA on ESPN

We'll miss you, Big AARP.