College Football Rankings: Big Ten Mascot Battle Royale

Big Ten Mascots Battle to the Death:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the mascots in the Big Ten decided to duke it out?

I’m not sure what the scenario would be, but in my head I am picturing either a cage match, or the old school coliseum gladiator look.

Let’s go with gladiator.

I have literally pinned up the eight Big Ten mascots in the coliseum of my mind and they are now fighting in a battle royale to the death.

Here is the order in which they bow out.

Will your mascot be on top?

8. Brutus Buckeye

Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

COLUMBUS, OH - SEPTEMBER 11: Mascot Brutus Buckeye fires up the crowd before a game against the Miami Hurricanes at Ohio Stadium on September 11, 2010 in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)

Brutus sucks because he literally could not do anything in this fight.

For those of you who are uninformed, Brutus is literally a nut, which makes him absolutely useless in a battle royale.

He could maybe find some solace in the fact that he could be thrown, but he can’t throw himself because it is against my rules.

Brutus is easily the first one dead.

7. Goldy Gopher

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS - MARCH 11: Goldy Gopher, mascot of the Minnesota Golden Gophers performs during the game against the Penn State Nittany Lion in the first round of the Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament at Conseco Fieldhouse on March 11, 2010 in Indianapol

Goldey’s one advantage in this fight is that he can burrow away for a year and check it out when he feels things may be safe.

The problem with this is that is an incredibly slimy move on Goldy’s part and nobody really likes a cheater.

Other than his burrow technique, the Gopher is pretty screwed in this fight.

6. Bucky Badger

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 01: Bucky Badger of the Wisconsin Badgers looks on during the game against the TCU Horned Frogs in the 97th Rose Bowl game on January 1, 2011 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Badgers are known to get pretty feisty from time to time, so I have no doubt that Bucky could hold his own for a while.

The problem is that because of his pure size disadvantage I think he would end up getting the shaft.

I could see Purdue Pete coming over with the hammer…

Bye bye Bucky…

5. Willie the Wildcat

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS - MARCH 11: Mascot 'Willie the Wildcat' of the Northwestern Wildcats performs during the game against the Indiana Hoosiers in the first round of the Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament at Conseco Fieldhouse on March 11, 2010 in Indianapolis,

The problem with Willie the Wildcat is that he could be such a great mascot in a fight, but he looks like the biggest wuss!

They might as call him Willie the loveable wild puppy because this dude looks like all he wants to do is run after a tennis ball and curl up by my feet.

He gets some points because he is a wildcat, but mark my words, he would be one of the first to go.

4. Herky the Hawk

Chris Chambers/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - MARCH 10: Herky the hawk, mascot for the Iowa Hawkeyes performs against the Michigan State Spartans during the first round of the 2011 Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament at Conseco Fieldhouse on March 10, 2011 in Indianapolis, Indiana

Herky’s real advantage here is that he can fly over the rest of the mascots and swoop in for sneak attacks.

His funny large head may cause him to stumble and fall, though, so I’m not sure how much flying he will be doing with his top heavy self.

3. Nittany Lion

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TUCSON, AZ - MARCH 17: The mascot for the Penn State Nittany Lions performs during their game against the Temple Owls in the second round of the 2011 NCAA men's basketball tournament at McKale Center on March 17, 2011 in Tucson, Arizona. (Photo by Chris

You see this lion is far different from all the other lions in the world because he is a Nittany Lion…

Legend has it that Nittany Lions once roamed the mountains in central Pennsylvania.

I’m pretty sure that he would use his “Nittanyness” to stun all competitors.

I’d put money on this guy.

Might want to work on that double chin, though....

2. Purdue Pete

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

CHICAGO - MARCH 09: Purdue Pete, the mascot of the Purdue Boilermakers, performs against the Iowa Hawkeyes during the quarterfinals of the Big Ten Men's Basketball Conference Tournament March 9, 2007 at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by

Purdue Pete has a distinct advantage over his mascot brethren considering the fact that he wields a pretty dang big hammer.

The hammer trumps all their animal claws and instincts.

Plus Pete has another advantage!

I mean, let’s be honest, Pete has got to be juicing…

Stop…Hammer Time!

1. Sparty the Spartan

Harry How/Getty Images

EAST LANSING, MI - NOVEMBER 11: The Michigan State Spartans mascot Sparty stands on the field during the game against the Minnesota Golden Gophers at Spartan Stadium on November 11, 2006 in East Lansing, Michigan. Minnesota won 31-18. (Photo by Harry How

I think that it is incredibly obvious that if we were looking at a showdown of Sparty verses the rest of the Big Ten mascots, Sparty would kick some tail.

Don’t forget the Spartans took on the whole Persian army with just 300 soldiers!

If only they could have done that against Alabama…

Sparty on!

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