Athletes vs. Animals: Who Ya Got?

Man vs. Beast: It is a timeless battle, and it just doesn't happen as much as it used to.

Long gone are the days when SportsCenter highlights were dominated by loin cloth wearing men ducking for small openings while being chased by saber-tooth tigers.

While it is not as frequent, it does occasionally happen in today's world, as animals make their way into the sports arena. 

When this happens the scenes that ensue can range anywhere from comic to tragic, and it is most assuredly going to be memorable.

The following are slides of some of the instances of Athletes vs. Animals.

Author's Note: The object of this slideshow is to entertain. It is certainly not to endorse cruelty to animals or perpetuate any of the following instances. I am simply trying to make light comments on this crazy world. Please respect all life—in any form. 

Bird Hazzard

Steve Lowery has obviously done something horrible to a seagull at some point in his life, and this one is bringing retribution.

The pesky bird later told reporters that this is what he was thinking, "Nice approach shot Flowery Lowery. How do you like these apples eh? Oh, think I am going to push it closer, huh?

"Wrong! To the drink with you! Who's the bird brain now, buddy boy."

Ain't That Some Guano?

There is nothing Manu Ginobili can't do. I am pretty sure swatting a bat in mid-flight with your bare hand is equal to catching a fly with chopsticks. 

The mascot pulls out a butterfly catching net and a Batman shirt (I swear, mascots are prepared for anything).

Other players were trying to get out of the way, while Manu just tracks it, swats it, picks it up and hands it arena staff. 

Of course he later had this to say, "Just wanted to give you guys an update on the bat situation. As many of you already know, it wasn't a great idea. Not only for the fact that bats are great part of the ecosystem, but also, because some carry rabies, which is an incurable disease. That's why I had to get vaccinated today [and it wasn't just one shot!]."

Not surprisingly, PETA was not thrilled with Manu's actions, and they issued a statement that contained a link to their Michael Vick dog abuse blog.

I don't know...that comparison may be a touch over reactionary.

Cute as a Squirrel's Nut

This squirrel is like the Snooki of squirrels. It will do anything for attention, and it's probably drunk.

(S)he is not in a particular hurry to get any where and just kind of warms its belly on the warning track before taking a stroll across the infield.

The announcers—particularly the color announcer—seem almost annoyed. You know that this squirrel would dare give him something to talk about besides the baseball he talks about for 784 games a year.

Flying Octopi

Pete and Jerry Cusimano are true trendsetters. Here's their story:

In 1992, they tossed an octopus onto the ice at a Redwings game. Why? Because the Redwings needed eight more wins to capture the Stanley Cup. Duh!

Why else would you toss an octopus onto the ice?

Believe it or not, this tradition caught on.

In the 1996 playoffs someone actually hurled a 50-pounder onto the ice. I don't even understand how you throw a 50-pound octopus.

Check this out: PETA is not pleased with these kinds of activities. They released a statement, "Flinging an octopus is no more acceptable than hurling kittens and puppies." PETA shouldn't give hockey fans ideas.

I think I have a solution.

What if they feed them to people afterwards? I don't see why they couldn't. It's not like they haven't been on ice.

Give a Hoot and Don't Boot

Put this one under the "could've been handled better" file.

Play was stopped after the Atlético Junior squad's lucky owl was struck by a ball and laid motionless on the field.

Then Luis Moreno inexplicably ran over and kicked the owl.

In his defense he didn't mean harm to the bird, as he later said, "I did it to see if the owl could fly."

Wait...what? If it had been able to fly it wouldn't have been able to after he booted it.

The owl has since passed on, and Moreno could now face up to three months in prison.

I am thinking "kicking an owl" is not the best answer in a Colombian prison when someone asks you what you are in for.

The Boxing Kangaroo

I guess PETA didn't exist when this epic boxing match took place.

This kangaroo is one bad mama-jama, and the boxer is clearly no match.

The boxing kangaroo has a long history of kicking butt. As a matter of fact, It has kicked so much butt that it is a national symbol for Australia! And that's not just a country, it's a continent.

Caroline Wozniacki took full advantage of this when she joked with the press that she was attacked by a kangaroo and came away with a scratch on her leg.

As a further testament to the kangaroo being a bad-ass the press didn't know she was joking.

Good Luck with That

Boxing a Kangaroo is dumb enough, but who could possibly think it was a good idea to wrestle a bear?

Apparently quite a few people. This bear even has his own fighting name, Victor the Wrestling Bear.

I can't find any official stats on Victor, but I am just going to take a wild guess and say he is undefeated with all of his victories coming by, "Holy sh#@! Help! I don't want to fight a bear anymore."

Raging Bull

College football coaches have gone to great lengths to motivate their teams.

Jackie Sherrill's creativity may take the cake.  As his Mississippi State Bulldogs prepared to take on the Texas Longhorns he asked his team if any of them knew what a steer was.

To his grave dismay, they did not. As he said, "People say (the Texas mascot) is a longhorn steer. Is that a bull, or is he a steer?"

So, he did what any good leader of young men would do and took his troops to watch a bull get castrated.

His two-point underdog Bulldogs beat Texas, 28-10.

As you can imagine not everyone was thrilled with his methods.

Sherill offered this heartfelt apology to his detractors:

"Even though I was not involved in the procedure that took place, I take responsibility. If this incident was in any way not perceived as proper by those who love Mississippi State, then I apologize."

Fetch, Boy

Speaking of castration...

I am not a Georgia fan, but I am guessing this particular bulldog is a fan favorite.

Look how well trained he is. It doesn't seem like it'd be easy for squatty bulldogs to jump, but that doesn't stop this fiesty sweater wearing canine from going straight for the goods on this evil Auburn player.

Run, Ralphie, Run

This is one of those things that if it weren't a tradition it would never be allowed. You just can't pitch this kind of thing to college presidents in today's world.

"You know, we just want to let our 2,000 pound buffalo run around on a field surrounded by 60,000 screaming maniacs.

"Oh no, don't worry—nothing could go wrong. We'll have a few150 pound guys holding on to him."

Shockingly, nothing really has gone wrong.

Reporter Jim Knox gets de-loafered in this video, but that is just by some wrangler who for some reason decides to lay the smack down.

There's a video where Ralphie somehow manages to break free of the superhuman grips of his handlers. He bolts towards the stands like he is going for it, but—much to the great relief of those in the first few rows—he stops.

They reward him—like they always do after his runs—by shoving him into a trailer and shutting the doors.

That's a Wicked Googly

Oh man! Cricket players and fans hate pigeons!

They give this guy a standing ovation for killing a pigeon with the throw.

At least the announcers give the poor bird an eloquent send off. "And the pigeon is no more."

They then go onto compare the throw to a Patriot Missile.

Which is just absurd. Everyone knows the accuracy of Patriot Missiles was way overblown.

Hearing Hoof Steps

I don't know any of the back or after story of this incident. I am assuming that means the reporter still inhabits the world of the living.

Did this guy think the race was over or something? It appears as if he is standing right in the track. Surely he must have heard them coming.

Maybe he was big timing the people he was asking where to set up, and they gave him some "advice."

"Oh yeah. Just stand right here. It will be epic. You'll be fine. The horses never take the inside on this turn."

Fowl!

What are the odds of this? I mean maybe I just don't notice, but I can't recall any other time where a bird has flown across the court while a match was going on.

This unlucky bird managed to do so, and get struck by a powerful volley.

The nameless double partner quickly seizes the opportunity to score some points with the animal loving girl he's had his eye on by rushing over with a concerned look and saying a quick prayer for the fallen fowl.

I admit, I have no idea if that is true.

Hang-Hoof

You've seen the waterskiing squirrel and the skateboarding dog, but they got nothing on this bodacious sheep.

I tried to surf once. This sheep is way better than me at everything except wiping out.

If this is the sheep they cloned, I am scared for the relevance of my presence in the future.

Seagull Gate

Dave Winfield had finished his pre-inning warmups and tossed a ball into the bat boy.

Unfortunately it hit a sea gull right in the head and killed it.

Winfield was arrested after the game for animal cruelty. The charges were later dropped.

I think Winfield's manager, Billy Martin, sums up his malicious intent best when he said, "They say he hit the gull on purpose. They wouldn't say that if they'd seen the throws he'd been making all year. It's the first time he's hit the cutoff man."

I Did! I Did Taw a Putty Cat

Has anyone checked to see if all the incidents involving a shifty cat running onto a sporting field is the same cat?

This cat chase is so iconic Major League Baseball won't even allow the clip on YouTube.

Where are these cats or cat coming from? Do some people really bring them to games? "Oh, I know what my cat will love, baseball! Kitty will just sit with me in my seat all game. It'll be awesome."

You never hear about people coming to claim the cats afterwards either. How do you pull off that excuse?

"Kitty, I told you not to follow me to the baseball game again."

What's That Lassie? We Aren't Running the Right Play?

What was this dog thinking? (S)he clearly broke offsides.

You know what's odd? Cats love baseball stadiums and dogs love the soccer pitch. There are countless clips of dogs running onto the soccer field.

Actually, I guess that's not really odd at all. It kinda makes sense now that I think about it.

Except it should be the other way around, because baseball is the American pastime, and soccer is for pussycats.

I'm joking! Calm down dude who is reading this and actually likes soccer.

Further Evidence Dogs Prefer Soccer

Wow! Dogs really do hate baseball!

Busy Bee

Okay, so cats love baseball, dogs love soccer, and cricket just gets screwed. They get the bees. 

I haven't found any other clips of cricket fields being swarmed by hornets, but they must, because every single one of these guys knows to stop, drop and roll like they are on fire.

Not as effective, but a much more affable approach than my tactic of dousing the guy next to me in honey.

When Doves Cry

It's one of those things where you sit around and say, "Did you ever wonder what would happen if...?"

Of course, you never actually expect that thing to happen.

Then it did. A bird came swooping across the field with enough unfortunate timing to go right across the path of one of the hardest throwing pitchers of all time.

Almost total disintegration ensued. The bird can take some solace with it to the afterlife that it was able to do what almost no left-handed hitter ever did: make contact with a Randy Johnson pitch.

Angel on the Kickoff Team

This is one of the coolest sports stories I have ever heard.

Yeah, yeah the pigeon flies down the field with the kickoff team. That is all well and cute, but what gives me goosebumps is the surrounding details.

The offseason before this incident former Raiders' linebacker and special team player, Marquis Cooper, was lost at sea and presumed dead after a tragic and well publicized fishing incident.

That pigeon lined up in Cooper's old spot on the coverage unit. It then stayed in its lane and flew right down the field a couple of yards ahead of the suckers who had to use legs.

That was enough to convince Cornell Green what it meant, “You see that pigeon?,” Green told his teammate Sam Williams. “That was Marquis.”

Sam Williams later told the press what Cooper's mom told him, "That was Marquis out there with you guys."

“It kind of gives you a different perspective on things." Justin Fargas said after the game. "Yeah, it was definitely a strange event seeing that bird flying out there. It seemed comfortable on the football field and comfortable lying down there literally on special teams. It very well could have been Marquis.”