Quick Snaps: NFL Jokes On Falcons, Panthers, Seahawks, Bears, Goodell, More

The regular season is in the books, and the playoffs begin right away.  Scrumptious.

My Falcons got the one-seed!  You have to go through Atlanta to get to the Super Bowl.  It's like the NFL playoffs were booked by Delta.

Falcons got a bye.  Buccaneers got a bye, bye.

I love the Falcons, but for me the No. 1 seed will always be the cashew.

You're On the Clock!

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ATLANTA, GA - JANUARY 02: Mike Goodson#33 of the Carolina Panthers loses a fumble in the second quarter during their game against the Atlanta Falcons at the Georgia Dome on January 2, 2011 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

For the Buccaneers to get in to the playoffs they had to win, and have the Giants and Packers both lose.  Didn’t pan out for them.

For the Panthers to get into the playoffs they had to have three division teams go down in plane crashes.

Though it IS a long flight to Seattle.  I bet New Orleans has to go through Atlanta just to get to Seattle.

The Carolina Panthers went 2-14, then fired their head coach John Fox.  It was their best sack all season.

Fox said he’s known he was going to be fired for two years.  Who knows they’re going to be fired for two years?  Okay, maybe Barrack Obama.

83? Is That the Point Spread This Week?

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SEATTLE, WA - JANUARY 02: A fan of the Seattle Seahawks cheers during their game against the St. Louis Rams at Qwest Field on January 2, 2011 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

The 7-9 Seahawks are the first team in NFL history to win a division with a sub-.500 record.  Below-average talent and they’re still on TV?  They should be called the Seattle Kardashians.

Seahawks got a playoff berth, but it looks likes after-berth.

Now they have to play the Saints—could be painful.  I suggest they get an epidural. 

The NFC West was so bad this season, they might rename it “The Big Ten.” 

Not My Best Effort, Signed, No. 46

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GREEN BAY, WI - JANUARY 02: Greg Jennings #85 of the Green Bay Packers carries the ball after making a reception against the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field on January 2, 2011 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

Let's face it—the Bears are overrated.  I haven’t seen a bear this overrated since Smokey the Bear.  It’s up to ME to prevent forest fires—then what’s YOUR job?

Maybe that’s the Bears problem on defense, "Only YOU can play cover-two."

That team is beholden to the most inconsistent good QB in the league.  If you get the good Cutler, you can beat anybody.  If you get the bad Cutler, you’re dead.  I looked it up—"Cutler" is a French word for "Grossman."

It's MY Ball and I'm Going Home!

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NEW ORLEANS - SEPTEMBER 08: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell plays on the field during the NFL�s Play 60 campaign to fight childhood obesity at Brock Elementary School September 8, 2010 in New Orleans, Louisiana. Obama joined NFL Commissioner Roger Goodel

On Monday, commissioner Roger Goodell sent an open letter to NFL fans.  It said if people don’t forward it to five friends, there’s going to be a lockout.

But Our Colors Are Black and RED!

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ATLANTA, GA - JANUARY 02: Atlanta Falcons head coach Mike Smith is showered with Gatorade by players John Abraham #55 and Jonathan Babineaux #95 on the sideline during the game against the Carolina Panthers at the Georgia Dome on January 2, 2011 in Atlan

Falcons coach Mike Smith got a Gatorade bath after the game.  You think when the Pope gives a good speech, the cardinals ever jump up and dump a bucket of Gatorade on his head?

The Arizona Cardinals had no Gatorade baths the whole year.  I bet that freed up some free agency money for next year.

Tucker Carlson said Michael Vick "should have been executed" for his dog-fighting crimes.  Tucker—you wore a bow tie on TV for 20 years.  What’s that worth?  At least water-boarding. 

I think that was Vick’s problem in Atlanta.  He couldn’t execute...

Sweet Jesus, Please Let Her Remember My Number

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DETROIT, MI - JANUARY 02: Brett Favre #4 of the Minnesota Vikings looks on from the bench while playing the Detroit Lions at Ford Field on January 2, 2011 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Favre retired again.  If he comes back next year he’s going to fight George Foreman.

Simple clicks to find out more about comedians Costaki Economopoulos and Keith Alberstadt (great contributor).