Randoms: The Gators, Ted Williams, Boise St., Derek Jeter and Tiger's Harem
“Randoms” is a column housing the whimsical tidbits that consume my day. Most are sports related, but as with all my columns, a small dose of the arbitrary is thrown in. Today you will read about Tiger, Ted, Derek, The Babe, Kellen, Cashman and many other people that clog my mind prohibiting me from making something of myself. Enjoy.
The Florida Gators Are Drowning in Their Own Swamp
1 of 21
What in the hell happened to the Gators this past Sat? Will someone please explain the three quarterback, but really a two quarterback and one tight end, but really a passing quarterback and a running quarterback and a tight end who plays more quarterback, system? Wow, Tebow leaves and everything falls to pieces.
Not Sure I Want These Guys Anywhere Near Charlotte
2 of 21
Now being a Virginia Tech fan I am really afraid to play the Seminoles in the ACC Championship game. Is it me or do they look pretty damn good?
Ahhh, What Could Have Been
3 of 21
Rivalry weekend did not disappoint. Auburn/Alabama was a come-from-behind thriller; Maryland/NC State went down to the wire but who would have guessed that everyone’s new favorite Cinderella school would be Nevada. Good ‘old Nevada. Not only did they have the biggest win in the history of their university but they, in one fell swoop, also managed to single handedly demote their own conference back down to the mid-major standards from which they, led by Boise state, had been clawing their way out of for low these many years. Kind of bitter sweet.
.jpg?w=256 "Colts Jaguars Football")
Too Bad So Sad
4 of 21
Speaking of Boise State, Kellen Moore will be taking his extraordinary talents to an NFL practice squad near you. Where does that leave the Broncos four-year charge to lead the WAC out of obscurity and into the limelight? Only time will tell but if you would like a guess I’d say back to the drawing board. Seems like Nevada is the new sheriff in town.
Priceless
5 of 21
Did anybody watch the expression on the face of Boise State’s coach once Moore completed that unbelievable pass to get his team in winning field goal range with only two seconds left on the clock? If you can somehow get a hold of the footage watch the relaxed “we got this in the bag and are headed to the national championship” look he has on his face right before his place kicker knocked it wide right and sucker punched him right in the chiclets. Then check out his face just after. Like a MasterCard commercial folks…Priceless.
Any Other University and He'd Have Been Off the Team
6 of 21
What are the odds Virginia Tech can pull off a victory over Florida State. These Seminole clowns have had our number every since the ’99 National Championship game where the convicted shoplifter Peter Warrick was, for some inexplicable reason, allowed to play while his cohort in crime, Laveranues Coles, was kicked off the team. Oh and Warrick scored two TDs in the 4th quarter to win the game for FSU. Laveranues Coles went on to a lengthy NFL career while Peter Warrick is probably currently stocking the men’s section at the local Tallahassee Dillards. I’m not saying that there is bad karma attached to beating the Hokies but Bobby Bowden was unceremoniously kicked out of FSU as well. I’m just presenting the facts people, you make the call.
Up For Grabs
7 of 21
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: Who is going to play in Glendale for the BCS Championship?
Sir Robin: I don’t know th– Auuuuuugh!!!
Seriously though, who?
Finally They Might Get a Shot at the Title
8 of 21
Where does everybody come down on the TCU issue? Do they really deserve their high ranking? And if they do go to a BCS bowl can I make a plea to not have them play in the Orange Bowl against the ACC Champ. Although it is looking more and more like an option considering they just accepted entrance into the ever-expanding Big East.
Such Concentration For a Man Who Was Evidently Always Exhausted
9 of 21
Speaking of the Big East, when all is said and done who has more members, Tiger Wood’s notch-on-the-bed-post-posse or the Big East Conference (basketball alone has 467 schools. Again, not good with numbers)?
Dammit Derek My Head Hurts and I've Still Got To Sign Rivera
10 of 21
Dan Shaughnessy, a columnist for the Boston Globe writes that Boston should make iconic New York Yankees short stop, Derek Jeter an offer to wear the two-sox . He says, “Stir it up, Sox. Take a chance. Make Derek Jeter an offer he can’t refuse.” A possibility this colossal deserves it’s own column and while every sports writer covering this beat has put their own spin on it already, that will not stop me from dazzling you with my prose on the subject as well. Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen and while staying tuned, just sit back and imagine what that would be like. It’s an unreal site but Brian Cashman is making it a plausible feat.
Bust and Burial
11 of 21
How many fantasy owners out there think that Frank Gore’s broken hip was a horrible way to bury their fantasy football hopes and dreams? Or was it an appropriate ending to a first round bust? Either way Brian Westbrook is only owned by 12% of the ESPN teams out there. He is a current pending waiver claim on team Cockey, otherwise known as “Somebody Please Trade With Me.”
You Need Your Vitamin C
12 of 21
I am in Charlotte for the ACC Championship game this week. Anyone out there got an extra tailgate invite? Come on people, I can’t very well cover the game sober now can I?
Later Gator (Cane)
13 of 21
The “U” fired head coach Randy Shannon this week after Miami’s less than stellar showing against the University of South Florida. Shannon’s 28-22 record over his four season reign was less than impressive and evidently the fact that he graduated more players than sent to prison didn’t seem to sway that fine example of a University. Watch out Stoutland (interim coach) the Hyundai Sun Bowl in El Paso looks to be your only shot at impressing the brass enough to maybe keep your job. I doubt, however, even a blow out win in your favor can do the impossible.
Doug and Company Take It To The Broncos in San Diego
14 of 21
The NFL will now offer full refunds on general admission tickets if, in fact, a lockout occurs. If you don’t think that a strike will happen need I remind you of the 87-88 football season when a bunch of scabs took the field. The players ended up coming back and the Redskins ended up beating Elway’s Broncos for the trophy. I don’t want football to be interrupted anymore than you do but you have to know that the NFL isn’t messing around when they already offered full refunds. How about the players union gets it in gear. I’m sorry if getting paid millions of dollars to play a “game” isn’t good enough for you. How about we get rid of the union all together and let players who want to play compete for their salaries. Just a thought.
I'd Just Give Him the Ball
15 of 21
What do a protective boot and Ben Roethlisberger have in common with rodents, insects, grain, fruit, bird eggs and refuse? They are all found on a Raven’s diet. Really Pittsburgh? It’s time for Big Ben to strike reality. You can’t out run Ray Ray with a healthy ankle; imagine what that beast of a backer is going to do to you with your little “protective” boot? There is nothing protective about wearing something that hinders your escapability Benji. Just saying. Might want to put a little more thought into this one. Your season was already shortened, no need to add a major injury to the laundry list of reasons why you’ve missed games.
Run, Ben, Run!
16 of 21
While we are on this subject let’s look at the reasons Roethlisberger has missed games shall we? A helmet-less motorcycle accident, one count of alleged sexual assault, another count of sexual assault…And I dare say that with a boot on his ankle and Ray Lewis hawking him, we might just see Ben complete a trifecta with his third alleged sexual assault, though this time he will be the victim at the hands of the games best linebacker.
Throw His Way, Eli
17 of 21
Is there any reason why two of my three starting wide receivers who’ve been nothing but money for me all fantasy season long have decided to use the buddy system when it comes to injuries? And what am I to do with Manningham when Nicks comes back. Mario got me a solid score plus he had one touchdown called back on a holding penalty. Not to mention Eli, the lesser Manning. only targeted him four times. Take away that holding penalty and you’ve got two TDs per four passes. Those odds are pretty pretty folks.
Hurry Back My Fantasy Friend
18 of 21
I need fantasy help. More specifically I need fantasy therapy. My boys are dropping like flies and I’ve lost three of the last four. So I’m doing what any sane fantasy owner would do, I’m trading away good players for mediocre guys in a complete panic, hoping that for some inexplicable reason these newbies, whom nobody wanted, will have a break out second half. Please help me. I may need more than just couch time with someone who wants to blame everything on my relationship with Mom and Dad.
Just Plain Tough
19 of 21
I was on a flight from Melbourne, Fl to Charlotte, NC recently and there were at least seven guys on the plane wearing Boston hats (Bruins, Red Sox, and Pats). Maybe it’s just me but the safety factor climbs exponentially the more Bostonians you have on board. That’s a plane you just don’t want to mess with. “You like apples?”
A Topic of Discussion
20 of 21
Presently I am sitting in a Starbucks in Charlotte and listening in on a conversation between five guys in their 60s. They evidently meet here everyday, from what I’ve gathered, and talk intelligently about ACC basketball. Seriously this is the life I want with my buds when I’m 65. I’ve actually learned quite a bit from eavesdropping on the AARP crowd. These guys are knowledgeable. I kind of want to ask them what I should do about my fantasy football catastrophe.
Quote of the night: “I’ve decided that I’m not going to play golf anymore, I’m just going to dress like I do.” Don’t know why this struck me funny but it did. I’d like to give credit for this nugget of wisdom but I’m eavesdropping again.
Will Jeter Join These Ranks?
21 of 21
Next up, a more in depth look at making Jeter an offer he can’t refuse. Whose head would you have to put in Derek’s bed to convince him to burn the pinstripes and don the uniform of the great Ted Williams? I’m taking any and all ideas. Keep them coming folks. As always I appreciate your comments and look forward to hearing from you again. Thanks.
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
