Homers and Haters: The 10 Most Annoying Types of NBA Fans
The NBA season has started and I am already aggravated. No, it isn't the constant back-and-forth between Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy that has me pulling out my hair. It is the fans.
Now don't get me wrong. There are many fantastic, well-educated, peaceful, fun-loving supporters out there. But then there is the minority of you that really gets on all of our nerves. You know who you are. If you don't, please pick from the list I have compiled here, and then change your life immediately.
10. Jersey Burners
1 of 10
I'm looking at you Cleveland. When LeBron James made his infamous decision, many in the Cleveland area burned their $80 jerseys to send a message. Relax, Cavs fans. You made it seem like LeBron James killed a unicorn on national television.
I know it sucks that he left. It is horrible. But you know what sucks worse? Living in Cleveland. So cut the guy some slack. Just take a couple of antacids, and go buy a Jamario Moon jersey.
9. The Unimpressed
2 of 10
NBA games are expensive. That is why I take exception to seeing a fan on their cell phone texting during a pivotal moment. You can spot it in replays.
A superstar will drain an amazing game-tying three, and in the background, there is always some dude unimpressed texting to his buddies. You just paid $500 for your seats, act like you care.
Meanwhile I am sitting in poverty on the edge of my seat wishing I could one day win the lotto just so I can get seats in your area.
8. Fans That Paint
3 of 10
I get it. You are a real big fan because you spent five hours in the makeup chair to come see the Timberwolves get demolished by the Heat.
Be what ever you want to be into, just be a part of society as well. Nowhere in the Proper Citizen of Earth Handbook does it say that you can paint your face if you are over the age of eleven. I can deal with the face paint. I can't deal with the body paint.
It seems like every so often you see a group of people who choose to paint one letter on their chest. They sit in a row and it usually spells the team's name. This is what four years at university gets you nowadays—the ability to write one letter on yourself and dictate the order in which you will all sit.
Well, it's annoying. Now for the rest of the game I am trying to figure out who painted who and how they decided the order. I guess that keeps me from listening to Jeff Van Gundy ramble on like he knows about the sport. On second thought, keep it up.
7. Celebrities
4 of 10
This is a double-whammy annoyance.
Living in Los Angeles I have the luxury of seeing many of my team's games on television. But when it is covered nationally, I get a 10-minute segment going over every celeb who is in the stands. What am I going to get out of seeing Andy Garcia with a hot dog in his face. I have seen all of Denzel's movies; I don't need to see what he looks like in expensive seats too.
This brings me to the second thing. I am already jealous of the fame and riches of celebrities. You don't have to show me that they get great seat to Lakers games too.
6. Homers
5 of 10
I love my home teams, but I am not a homer. I hated Manny Ramirez even when he trotted out in Dodger blue. But there are many out there sho cannot get over their home team. It becomes all they talk about.
I look to none other than Bill Simmons. He is a funny and witty, but I don't need to hear about Paul Pierce in every 10,000-word diatribe you pen for ESPN. Let's agree to approach sports "news" with as much impartiality as we can. I forgot, you work for ESPN. They cover a total of four teams and NASCAR.
5. Haters
6 of 10
This one is a good portion of the sports-watching world. Every last one of us is a hater in some way. It is just human nature.
We are a very jealous species, and we can't stand when a city that touts hundreds of thousands of beautiful women also gets to sign the services of LeBron James. The first reaction of every last person not in Miami after The Decision was of disgust. Why?
LeBron didn't steal or murder anyone. Yet we, at least for a bit, hated him. This happens in all forms. Being a Lakers fan, I know many of you hate Kobe Bryant. I know many of you are also waiting for the next mental breakdown of Ron Artest. Well, I will clue you in on a little secret, I am too. See? We aren't all that different after all.
4. Fantasy Players
7 of 10
I will gladly watch NBA games with any fan except fantasy guy. I don't want to hear how Chris Paul and his steals and assists make him a far more valuable asset than Kobe Bryant. Your opinions are based on fantasy and you need to go home now. In fact, how did you get into my house?
Fantasy games are based on a finite number of statistical categories and do not take into account the bigger picture. You can come talk to me when Chris Paul has five rings and has stopped whining about being traded. Now hush up because I am watching a real game, not a fantasy one.
3. Fans With Signs
8 of 10
So you think you are witty do you? You sneaked in a six foot sign that is blocking the two rows behind you just so you can show a national television audience that you can make an interesting acronym from ESPN. And the acronym is never that interesting. It is always something like Every Spur Plays Nice. Well I went through years of watching Bruce Bowen play the exact opposite of nice. So sit down and put your sign away.
I wouldn't normally mind this when I am at home, but these are the idiots who the director pans too while my team is on a fast break. Oh great a sign, no I didn't feel like seeing Fisher drain a three. Thanks, ESPN.
2. Utah
9 of 10
Ah, the great state of Utah. Now before I anger you guys like I am sure I have done to Cleveland fans, let me tell you I love your state. I love your people. It is just that some of your fans are a bit unruly.
They are jerks.
While it may be a small minority of your fans, they are so loud and offensive that it ruins it for your whole populace. I submit to you exhibit one. It is a photo of a fan covering his eye while Derek Fisher shoots a technical. Fisher's daughter, as you may be aware, has a rare form of eye cancer.
Secondly, there has been a long history of Jazz fans shouting racial slurs at opposing teams. While you may think this is me being sensitive, go ahead and Google "Jazz fans" and see what comes up. You will see a few links to blogs from various team's supporters slamming them.
If that get's you upset Google images for "Jazz hands." Feel better? Me too.
1. Bandwagon
10 of 10
There is a special place in my heart for those fans who stick with their team through thick and thin. But I cannot stand the band-wagoner. They just cannot comprehend that the joy you get from a home team's win has also come at the cost of seeing them lose.
I am a Lakers fan, always have been. Sure I love to see their current success. But it tastes sweeter because I had to deal with the Del Harris and Randy Pfund days. Back then, the best I could hope for is a Sedale Threatt steal and Nick Van Exel's annoying smirk. So excuse me if I get a little rattled when you ride the coattails of my misery to a parade in downtown Los Angeles.
Sports is a personal thing, and the flag on your car in June is making me mad.
