Indiana-UNC Greensboro Recap: Dry Turkey and Laser Hilts

It wasn't the meal fans wanted, but it technically counted as sustenance.

Indiana’s lukewarm 87-79 win over UNC Greensboro will do nothing to assuage the Hoosier faithful, many of whom continue to awake screaming and sweating synovial fluid in the aftermath of Monday’s loss to Eastern Washington.

Friday night's game against UNC Greensboro presented an opportunity to put some of those night terrors to bed, or at least take the edge off the lingering nausea. It afforded the Hoosiers a chance to prove they could handle an opponent lacking size, depth, athleticism and individual talent. “Handle” the game, Indiana didn’t. It survived.

The Hoosiers allowed the Spartans and their bad haircuts to rain hellfire and brimstone down the stretch. Hanner Mosquera-Perea embodied the risk-and-reward sensibilities of a fancy, new-age lightsaber, while James Blackmon Jr. proved once again why he will be super gone after this season.

Let’s get into it, starting with this most unsatisfyingly adequate Feast Week game.

The Driest Turkey

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Admission: I ate three turkey sandwiches Friday.

I might eat a forth after we're done here, because I am a hungry, fallible man, and my self respect dips in unison with the thermometer.

It must be noted, however, that each of these leftover gifts from God arrived in my mouth after a thorough, one-minute microwaving—not exactly a moisture-preserving move. That said, none of them came close to matching the dry, hollow victory Indiana gifted fans against Greensboro.

The dryness of Indiana’s win comes from the quality of the opponent and the circumstance of the contest.

Greensboro (1-5) entered Friday night’s contest ranked 258th in adjusted offensive efficiency, 323rd in adjusted defensive efficiency and 302nd overall in the KenPom rating system. The Spartans’ leading scorer, center RJ White, failed to score a single a point. The team is suffering from a rash of injuries, and has yet to beat a Division I opponent this season.

And then we had Indiana, who had constructed a 22-point lead over the Spartans at the start of the second half, stuck in a late-game alligator death roll with an opponent who would've tried to squeeze nine minutes out of Air Bud if the NCAA would greenlight the substitution.

UNC Greensboro is a flawed, unhealthy team, and the Hoosiers still required a ride on Blackmon Jr.’s cape and fleeting contributions from the wing to choke down their meal. They did just enough to stave off loss, or rather, the Spartans (who ended up shooting an absurd 60.9 percent from the behind the arc) missed just enough of their 23 three-point attempts to lose.

Everyone will have an opinion on who didn’t do enough where against Greensboro, but once again, many of Indiana's guards looked sluggish on the defensive end. Tom Crean took away the inside, only for the deluge to fall from the perimeter. It's pick your poison basketball at Assembly Hall this year.

If there's someone who can't be blamed today, it's a certain post player notorious for his streaky play and general look of complete confusion. 

Hanner the Human Laser Hilt

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The first trailer for Star Wars VII dropped Friday, giving everyone a look at the future of Fudgesicle speeders and the soccer droids of Qatar. 

Of all the weird things people squabbled over, the most contentious was the new-age lightsaber, complete with laser hilt.

This, many contended, was a cool, potentially devastating idea—but ultimately impractical. It would not save you, and probably afford you all the pleasures associated with an accidental C-Section at some point down the line. Hanner Mosquera-Perea is Indiana’s laser hilt, after a fashion.

The good news is, the non-self-defeating Mosquera-Perea arrived against the Spartans on Friday night. After receiving the starting nod, Air Colombia went three for three from the floor and four for five from the line. He alternated time with Emmitt Holt, and finished with 10 points and six rebounds in 23 minutes. 

Of course, Hanner is going to Hanner. The rangy junior committed two fouls and found himself out of position at times, chasing plays to the rim with his pasta arms. He did not, however, disembowel Indiana’s efforts. He was not the Hoosiers’ laser hilt Friday night. That alone is a dry win.

JBJ is (Probably) Gone, Baby

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Perhaps it’s too early to say Blackmon Jr. is leaving after the 2014-15 season. Perhaps it’s just about time.

What we do know is that the highest-scoring freshman in the country continues to mortar opposing defenses and play “way scrappy” on either end of the court.

After a pedestrian outing against Eastern Washington, Blackmon Jr. bounced back with 24 points, going nine of 17 from the field and hitting four of five free throws. 

He also did something that’s occurring with some regularity these days: Leave a commentator speechless after a play at the rim. Blackmon Jr., the apparently notoriously unathletic shooting guard, nearly collapsed the roof with a dramatic put-back dunk in the second half. 

Combine this with his nine rebounds and perhaps pundits will start seeing that Blackmon Jr. is more than a mystical three-point unicorn with a weird spot on his head. But in regards to our original subject, yes, at this rate, JBJ will be gone next year.

Sure, his numbers will drop against quality opponents, but 17 points a game in conference play isn't off the table when teams have to contend with as many shooters as Indiana can put on the floor. If he can stay in striking distance of 20 points per game, I don't think there are 30 teams out there that would pass on his potential twice.

Other Notes

—Sportscasters calling the game said that fan favorite Tim Priller is capable of “breaking the Internet” like a Kardashian. Challenge accepted.

@Dr_Carson_

— Defenses cannot see Troy Williams on the baseline. He is invisible. 

— Max Hoetzel’s confidence is terrifying and beautiful all at once. He hit a three-pointer in transition from somewhere near Martinsville before the end of the first half.

— Nicholas Paulos’ neck is four feet long.

—Emmitt Holt proved solid minutes off the bench. He didn’t score, but he grabbed five rebounds and blocked two shots in 11 minutes. We can build on this.

— Yogi Ferrell broke a man’s ankles on the baseline and turned the ball four times. He gave us flashes of brilliance, and reminded us of those freshman days where his body moved faster than his thought process.

Indiana will host 4-2 Pittsburgh Tuesday. The Panthers are coming off a resounding third-place win over Kansas State at the Maui Invitational. The Panthers’ most recent loss was a semi-blowout against a tough San Diego State team that nearly beat out No. 3 Arizona in the Maui Invitational final. 

With games against Louisville, Georgetown and the conference play on the horizon, we’ll be learning plenty about Indiana’s ability to play against quality in the coming weeks. Keep one hand on the rosary and the other on the Jameson, friends.

Dan is a Trending Lead Writer for B/R. Once or twice a week during the college basketball season, he turns into an irrational monster that yells at men wearing candy cane pants.

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