Visit ESPN.com Today at Your Own Risk

If you should happen to take a trip over to the Worldwide Leader’s website at some point today, we feel it’s our civic duty to warn you of what will be staring back at you. 

It won’t be a snappy headline or a 13,000 word stroke-off between Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell.  It won’t be Steve Phillips head-scratching analysis or an up-to-the-minute report on Brett Favre’s pending surgery, even though the dude is supposed to be retired.  Nope, instead staring back at you will be what looks like a creepy, wax figurine of Tom Cruise in a German military outfit.

We saw this and immediately had nightmares that the Scientologists were taking over our mind, and we’re not even sleeping. 

Those guys are powerful, man.

May 19

1910 - Cy Young wins his 500th game.  500 freaking wins.  We can live until 2110 and we probably won’t see another pitcher win 500 games. 

1949 - Archie Manning is born and with him comes the sperm that eventually produced Eli and Peyton Manning.  The sports media and advertising worlds are eternally grateful.

2004 - Current Cardinals pitcher Brad Thompson breaks a 97-year old  minor league record by pitching 57 consecutive scoreless innings.  Even more impressive is the fact that he did so while sort of looking like a butch lesbian

Punch Out for Nintendo Wii hit stores yesterday. Not only is it the reincarnated version of the original classic, but it has brought an online advertising campaign that allows you to punch people out (I did this for a good five minutes yesterday).

One of the characters appearing on the ads is none other than King Hippo. To celebrate, Jets coach Rex Ryan dressed up like the Hippo at a recent press conference.

No, no, you want to go for the belly, coach, not the face. That’s where a hippo is most dangerous.

It’s been 15 years since Little Mac and Doc took to the ring. We always suspected Doc was eating a cheeseburger while riding his bike, not a candy bar.

For the print-version trip down memory lane, click here to read Iron Mike’s Real Legacy.