Tiger Tangents: Revisiting the Tiger Oath

I don't usually recycle my work, but while Googling this past weekend I came across something I wrote about four years ago in a really weird place. Back then I just started writing for tigerreport.com (don't bother going it's gone now) a website that I bought shortly after starting to write for it. I was running my own site at the time tigerfanz.net (yeah, that one's not around either) and I consider what happened to me to be my first brush with semi notoriety.

I wrote what I called "A Tiger Fan's Oath" and it really took off. Someone copied and pasted it into email and then it got a second life. I received it from at least four people who had no idea I wrote it.

It's possible one of my aunts forwarded to me and said something like, "I saw this and thought of you."

It was somewhat gratifying to say, "That makes sense because I wrote it."

But the funniest thing was how much I've changed in the four years since I wrote it. For me, my Tigers winning two National Championships in five years was definitely "catching the rabbit."

I've become much more complacent in my fandom. I don't take losses nearly as hard as I used to and I'm not sure if that has to do with success or the perspective gained through growing up. Maybe it's both.

So now I present to you an absolute must for all LSU fans, "The Tiger Oath", back in its 2005 glory with maybe some flippant comments in italics from present me.

I ________________ solemnly swear to do the following in 2005(or insert present year here) to ensure that I remain a member of the most passionate, intimidating, and sometimes scary fan base known to man.

I agree to DO the following:

  I will always cheer for LSU in sound levels that would make a banshee proud…. and deaf. I will agree to do this whether in Tiger Stadium, at an opposing stadium, in front of a TV, at a bar/restaurant, or at a friend’s/family member’s wedding/funeral with strategically placed ear phones.

      Do you get it? We're loud.

      I will wear purple and gold to games. I will NOT, however, under any circumstances wear purple and gold camouflage on overalls, pants, or hats…..EVER. (You do indeed still have to wear pants, I’m talking to you, Livingston Parish!)

      Ahhh regional humor.

     Speaking of not wearing camouflage overalls, don’t wear overalls at all. If that’s all you own, you might need to examine the fact that you might be a Mississippi St. fan or a member of Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

      Nothing says 2005 like a Dexy's Midnight Runners reference, who's with me?!!!!

     I will continue to tailgate in a way that is representative of my school’s perennial National Champions of Tailgating title. This means good food, lots of alcohol, and great people.

      I don't feel like I need to add to this although I do think it's nice to have other schools recognized for tailgating every year. It would be boring to just award tailgating titles to LSU fans every year based strictly on merit.

     When tailgating, I will not devote more time to a centerpiece than I do for preparing food. If this is the case, I might as well become an Ole Miss fan. They are big believers of style without substance.

     Ouch. Wow, the old me didn't pull any punches. I must be a pretty brave guy going after both schools in Mississippi before I'm half way done. I'm not that petty anymore, these days I'd go after both schools in Alabama.

      I will invite visiting fans to our tailgate spot and give them a hard time before taking them in as one of our own, feeding them, and getting them drunk.

      Some things never change.

      I will NOT act in a way that promotes the negative stereotype that LSU has bad fans. (no joke here, treat other as you want to be treated, I’m serious.)

      Aww look it's the serious me. See the way I capitalize the whole word "NOT". Tremble in the face of my implied emphasis.

      I will NOT boo our players while at games. I can boo college coaches and NFL players and coaches but NOT college kids. Remember, if they don’t receive a paycheck, I can’t boo them. I can, however, boo Alabama players because they all get paid.

      See what I did there? It was funnier in '05 I think.

      I will not leave a game before the five min. mark in the fourth qtr unless LSU is up by 21 or more, and I/someone with me is: vomiting, bleeding, and/or stricken with hysterical blindness. Beating traffic is not a viable excuse until I reach age 40.

      Um, how about the age of 33?? Man, I talked a big game in my 20's. I was also not married and childless at this point in my life. Now I leave when I allow my wife to tell me when to leave.

      I will continue to believe that Mike the Tiger’s roaring before a game has everything to do with his school spirit and nothing to do with a human in a tiger costume that Mike can’t stand.

      I'm pouring my 40 oz. out right now for Mike V may he rest in peace. That dude hated humans in mascot form, trust me. Mike VI is pleasantly unaware and would rather just intimidate you with his sheer size instead of resorting to raising his voice.

      I will stop trying to start a wave. Waves are for soccer fans.

      Some things will always be true. The wave sucks. My wife loves the wave. It's a point of contention.

      I will cheer for our team on offense but only when the play is over, the team needs to be able to hear when in the huddle and when lining up for the snap. On defense, I will constantly scream at the top of my lungs, like a nine year old running from Neverland Ranch.

          I really always take the easy route on a punchline. It's shameless. 

Signed:___________________

Ok, you’re good for another year. Go Tigers!

Let's face it, I've written cheesier stuff than this but maybe not by much. For some reason it caught on and struck a nerve with LSU fans. See ya next time!