Coach K. Addresses "Coach" Obama's Bracket; Duke Not In His Final Four

Let us now gag famous men. Please!

We have a man who makes $1.5 million to teach young men in shorts and tennis shoes to put a round bladder into a hole calling out another man who happens to have been elected as president of the United States.

The bladder-hole teacher is one Mike Krysssibeahewski, or some such name which would likely get him arrested and imprisoned in some countries, who is coach of a basketball team at Duke University. Coach K, as he is known by most sports reporters who are afraid they will be blacklisted by internet bloggers if they admit to knowing the correct spelling of his last name, earns $1.5 million plus several millions more per year in "leadership skills".

Coach K directs young men in how to twist and turn their bodies in a proper manner so as to have a higher percentage when directing an inflated rubber sphere into a round basket with macrame fringes.

(In the late 60's/early 70's, this was known as throwing your mother's overdone easter ham into that really ugly art-thing your sister made. In the late 30's/40's, this was know as "Well, TV ain't invented yet, so what else do we have to do but throw a ball at a hole in the sky." In the latest years, this is known as "I don't have Wii basketball yet so I have to watch these other fools play it while I bitch on Facebook about how cheap my parents are.")

Coach K is a superhero because, faced with young, energetic men who tower over most of us and who wear strange clothing marked with some sort of strange symbols, keeps us safe by convincing said young giants to concentrate on "putting the inflated bladder into the hole." Whew, thank you, Coach K!!!! Let's increase your pay!!

Coach K did call out Coach Obama because, according to Coach K, Coach O has to concentrate on the economy (apparently Coach K isn't garnering enough donut holes). Apparently, Coach K thinks he's got the young giants under control and believes Coach O isn't living up to his $400,000 per year salary if he actually has time to fill out an NCAA basketball bracket.

You go, Coach K. How dare anyone, like some President of the United States who makes $400,000 a year believe bladders in holes is important or worthy of one's time? Does this piker of a President really believe he is WORTH $400,000 a year in view of your paltry salary as master of the bladder?

Yikes, next thing you know Mrs. O will take it at half-court, create her own shot, and throw down on you.