The NFL Mascot Battle for Supremacy

Alex Roberts@@alexCoAbassCorrespondent IMarch 19, 2009

The NFL season has come and gone, and now we are left to ponder all the goings-ons in free agency and the draft.

However, I was left pondering something else...Who comes up with these mascots? Some are tough, some seem lame, and others...well...others...stink. 

So I set up a grand battle royale.

Let's all pretend for a minute we do not have a favorite team. I have created a bracket for all the teams mascots to fight it out...Tourney style.

(For the seedings, I created a 32-team single elimination tournament with seedings taken from the final power ranking of 2008-2009). 

So Pittsburgh is No. 1, and Detroit is No. 32.  

I also did not include the city names, so we could concentrate on the mascots.  Enjoy!

Here is the bracket

Fight One: Steelers vs. Lions

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Best NFL Team vs. Worst NFL Team: Throw four steel mill workers in a room with four lions.  No contest.  Paper covers rock, rock crushes scissors, lions eat people. 

Fight Two: Cardinals vs. Rams

Another contest where the bottom overtakes the top.  A beautiful red bird.  An angry animal with a large battering ram attached to its head.  Top tier NFL teams zero, bottom feeders two.

Fight Three: Ravens vs. Browns

Finally...a win for the good guys. A bird that sometimes represents pure evil, against a color.

The color of poo, to be exact.  Baaaazing!  Colors can't fight back...although the argument can be made the real mascot is a bulldog...I own a bulldog.

I will still take the raven.

Fight Four: Eagles vs. Seahawks

An air battle...how interesting. The majestic eagle takes on the equivalent of a sea gull. I would not be an American if I picked a seahawk. Eagles take it.

Fight Five: Giants vs. Chiefs

This fight depends on how you define "Giant".  If you say a giant is Godzilla sized, then the Giants win out.  I am going to go by the true definition of, or a large sized man over 7'6" feet tall. 

Think Andre the Giant, or that large dude from Big Fish. Chiefs are a feisty bunch with weaponry and spirit. 

I will take the Chiefs in the closest battle yet.  A tomahawk to the head will do that to you.

Fight Six: Titans vs. Raiders

Titans are people of war.  Think Spartans.  Raiders are sort of like pirates.  Spartans vs. Pirates... hmmm... give me Leonidas. Titans win in a sword fight.

Fight Seven: Colts vs. Jaguars

We have an epic mismatch in this fight. Sleek killers vs. baby horses. Jaguars in a blow out of buffet proportions.

Fight Eight: Panthers vs. Redskins

This is an intriguing matchup to me. I cannot get the scene from Apacalypto out of my brain, where the Mayans are getting chewed up by the panther.

Similar results here: Panthers move on.

Fight Nine: Falcons vs. Bengals

The falcon has been known as the war-bird. Bengals are quick cats.  I think this would be the closest of the cat-bird fights, but I will take the cats again.

Bengals move forward.

Fight 10: Chargers vs. Packers

The two most confusing names unite!  What is a charger exactly?  How about a packer?  Ok, a charger is a wild horse, and a packer is... an employee of a packing company. 

Move along Chargers. 

Unless they can find big enough boxes to pack you in... you win.

Fight 11: Patriots vs. Bills

A patriot is someone who loves their country, and in this case, the NE Patriot is a highly armed old-school militant patriot. 

Buffalo Bill was one crazy man.  I take a group of Patriots in a shoot out.

Fight 12: Dolphins vs. 49ers

The Dolphins are difficult to judge because they live in water.  However, the threat of a Dolphin is much more then the threat of a miner...unless you are talking about the dude from My Bloody Valentine

I have to go with the speed and strength of a Dolphin.

Fight 13: Vikings vs. Broncos

A unique fight involving Nordic warriors and a wild west staple—the bucking bronco.  However, vikings rode horses, and are highly armed.

Vikings easily.

Fight 14: Cowboys vs. Saints

John Wayne vs. Billy Graham. Wild Bill vs. The Pope.  The wild, wild, west vs. posh Rome.

Cowboys win.

Fight 15: Buccaneers vs. Bears

I like this fight.  Bears are huge and powerful. Buccaneers are insane and armed. 

I will go with the Buccaneers. 

Fight 16: Jets vs. Texans

The last fight is a weird one.  How do you judge people from a state vs. a means of transportation?  There are a lot of children in Texas that are "texans"... they won't be very tough... Jets are pretty big... I dunno... Jets?

There you have it!

However, I will not declare round winners until you let me know what you think!

Give me a reply with your choices, and have fun!