20 Questions We'd Love to Ask Miami Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen

One of baseball's greatest enigmas is Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen, whose picture you'll see when you look up "outspoken" in the dictionary.  The man doesn't care about what happens, he'll speak his mind with any question you ask.

Whether it's angering most of Miami with remarks about Fidel Castro or using homophobic slurs to describe certain reporters, the guy is just someone you want to spend time with and get to know better.  Seriously, how does his mind work?

Fortunately, I've compiled a list of 20 questions for the Marlins skipper.  Once he receives them, perhaps he'll give us some answers!

Have You Spoken to Jay Mariotti Lately?

You two have a bit of a history.  Has that hatchet been buried?

PHOTO COURTESY OF MEDIABISTRO.COM

Why Did You REALLY Leave Chicago?

Did you really have a rift with Kenny Williams or did you just want to sub out the Windy City with year-round warmth?

Did LeBron James Inspire You to Come to Miami?

He chose to take his talents to South Beach, while you chose to take yours to Little Havana, just 20 minutes away.  Coincidence or no?

Have You Hung out with Dwyane Wade Lately?

I mean...you DID say he was asking for a fight with his behavior towards his coach.  Has he stopped by your house to challenge you yet?  Or are you guys best buds?

Bigger Ego: You or LeBron?

I mean, come on.  That's a fair question.

Ozzie vs. Spoelstra

Honestly, who wins in a coaching battle?  He has three huge egos to control on his team, and you already have a huge ego.

Can someone say a clash of the titans?

Ever Consider a Career in Politics?

You know, since you have a habit of putting your foot in your mouth.

How Do You REALLY Feel About AJ Pierzynski?

Did you really feel this way about Pierzynski?  If so, why did you stick with him in Chicago for so many years?  Were I in a similar position, I'd want him out!

Is There a Method to Your Ejections?

The way in which you get ejected from games is fascinating.  Do you rehearse what you want to say to an umpire in a given situation?  Do you have an acting coach?

Will You Do Your Lee Elia Impression for Us Again?

You had some choice words for the Chicago fans at one point.  Did Lee Elia inspire them?

WARNING: SECOND LINK MAY CONTAIN LANGUAGE CONSIDERED NSFW

Could You Define Stupidity for Us?

In 2010, you mentioned that you would just act stupidly in hopes of getting fired when you felt it was time to quit.  Just what types of stupid things would you do?

How Do You Pass the Time in Spring Training?

You previously mentioned being bored during spring camp.  Have you since found ways to keep yourself entertained?

Been to Wrigley Field Lately?

A few years ago, you said that the home of your crosstown rival Chicago Cubs was just a bar. 

Call me crazy, but I have a feeling you love hanging out at that stadium and this song plays every time you show up there!

Ventures with Pedroia?

You've referred to Pedroia as a jockey before.  Does this mean you two will breed racehorses together in the future?  You pick the horses, and he can ride them!

How Much Pride Do You Have?

You claim to have a lot of pride.  Is that why you act out so much whenever arguing with umpires or ranting about losses?

How Is Rich Hill Doing?

Years ago, you referred to him as a Triple-A .  Got anything to say to him now that he's working out of the Boston Red Sox bullpen?

Got Your Death All Planned Out?

You've mentioned wanting to die on the field.  Do you still want that or is it a thing of the past?

Would You and Your Team Play Naked for Charity?

Not to sound inappropriate, but you already opened this door in saying that you'd be happy with a win even if your team played in the nude.  Any chance you'd follow through with this if it were for a good cause?

Does Charlie Sheen Come to Miami Often?

You've called yourself the Charlie Sheen of baseball.  Do the two of you get together often?  If you do, that sounds like hilarity waiting to happen!

Do You Have Any Filter Whatsoever?

I'm totally serious with this question.  Do you ever think before you speak?  I mean, come on.  Some of the things you say would make Sophia from The Golden Girls blush!