NFL Playoff Schedule 2012: Battle of Mustaches Highlight of AFC Championships

From Bradley Cooper rocking a 'stache and soul patch at the Golden Globes to the forest of libertarian hair under the nose of everyone's favorite fictional Parks and Recreation department director, Ron Swanson, mustaches have forced their way back on the upper lip of relevance.

Don't call it a comeback.

So it should come as no surprise that the mustache has slowly sprouted in the NFL as well. And when the Baltimore Ravens meet the New England Patriots on Sunday, it will be the biggest mustachioed battle of the NFL season.

I've deemed it—drum roll, please—"The Clash of the 'Stache."

You see, Joe Flacco has recently taken to sporting a Fu Manchu mustache and has inspired the Baltimore fanbase to join him.

Really, Flacco is sporting a little something I like to call the Fu Trucker, which is when a dude sporting a Fu Manchu looks like he should be the background picture to a Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck if..." Internet meme.

A group of fans—Nick Schauman, Josh and Valerie Griffin and Jason and Marcy Daly—were intrigued by the Fu Manchu Flacco started growing in November and decided to create the "Fanstache," fake Fu Manchus made out of purple felt. They sell them for $5, and a dollar from every sale is donated to charity.

Just as I've always suspected, mustaches really do make the world a better place.

But the Patriots aren't to be outdone when it comes to the power of the 'stache. Oh no, not by a long shot.

Wes Welker and all his Twitter friends simply won't let that happen, as Dan Hanzus of NFL.com found out before the Patriots defeated the Denver Broncos last weekend:

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"That’s mustache," Welker explained, according to the Boston Herald. "I think some people have come up with names, but I don’t know. We haven’t come up with one yet. It seems to give you power, especially late in the season. So, I’ve been feeling it this week, and hopefully it carries through to Saturday."

Welker said he has grown the lip dressing in the name of charity. People who donate to the Wes Welker Foundation can get a T-shirt that reads, "Catching Passes & Growing Staches!"

“The Twitter followers, they’ve been posting their picks of their ’staches with me,” Welker said. “Hopefully at Gillette, it’ll be be ’stached out and ready to go for the game."

"

Hell, even Alex Smith and his foundation have a mustache fundraiser. But there will be no grandiose "Clash of the 'Stache" in the NFC Championship Game, mostly because it has long been suspected that Eli Manning's upper lip holds several oils known to be the dreaded "Facial Hair Antidote."

Damn you and your nefarious upper lip, Eli Manning.

While sports analysts will spend their time talking about matchups and play-calling and a whole lot of other junk, you and I both know that in the AFC, it will be the team with the greatest mustache karma that shall rule the day.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled sports coverage. Here's this weekend's schedule:

Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots

Date and time: Sunday, January 22 (3:00 p.m. EST on CBS)

Patriots home record: 8-1

Ravens road record: 4-4

New York Giants at San Francisco 49ers

Date and time: Sunday, January 22 (6:30 p.m. EST on FOX)

49ers home record: 8-1

Giants road record: 6-3  

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