WWE Raw 3 Hour Slammy Awards Recap: The 143 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

Your friendly neighborhood Doctor is back with another long list from this week's Raw. The Slammy awards took center stage this week as we had the go-home Raw before TLC.

While the awards themselves were nothing more than a joke, the in-ring action was actually pretty decent. There were two matches which stuck out to me personally.

The fatal 4 way match between Ziggler, Bryan, Rhodes and Ryder saw Dolph Ziggler get the win in a very competitive match.

Punk and Orton also had a great match with Miz and Del Rio, which saw Wade Barrett take yet another shot against Orton in their rivalry.

We also got the return of a masked Kane much to the surprise of the audience. His impact was left when he chokeslammed Cena in the middle of the ring.

Overall the night was average at best, considering this was an hour longer and right before a PPV. The Slammy award should either really mean something or just be discontinued altogether.

Kane's return may have been the highlight of the night for me, as it was done in a very entertaining way.

A while back, I started writing these little lists after shows and they caught on, so I decided to keep going. They're equal parts humor, recap, revelations, observations, questions and criticisms.

I write these as the show airs live so I apologize for any misuse of tense. Please sit back and enjoy the 143 things we learned, loved and hated from this week's Slammy edition of Raw.

1. The Slammys are the oscars of WWE
2. Cole and Lawler each have 2 slammys each
3. There is a Slammy for "Tell me I did not just see that"
4. For a second I though Eve was Sharmell, I got very happy realizing it wasn't her
5. Hornswoggle has an afro, he looks like the little kid from The Cleveland show, only white
6. Did Hornswoggle just say SH*T... twice?
7. Who knew an Irish leprechaun would have a southern accent?
8. Santino NOT winning the rumble is award worthy
9. I forgot how freakin awesome it was when Miz came out as The Rock
10. Jim Ross dancing is the winner of the award which was basically "Most jaw dropping moment"
11. Michael Cole's new haircut makes him look like a pudgy Chuck Liddell for some reason
12. Booker thinks Cole is a loser and the crowd agrees
13. Did Booker really just suggest Cole and Ross go all 8-Mile on each other?
14. This will be awful
15. Michael Cole listens to Eminem, which somehow gives him credibility in his eyes
16. Cole is using the poetry rule where all lines do not have to rhyme, doesn't work with hip hop
17. Wait a second, is this why Hornswoggle is wearing an afro? That's kind of racist
18. I would rather listen to John Cena's album on repeat for days than have to hear Cole do that again
19. Jim Ross is not much better
20. He totally forgot his scripted lines
21. Booker feels comfortable saying that was better than Cole's rap
22. Booker forgot to ask the audience who won and Cole called him on it, classic
23. I am willing to bet Vince is screaming at anyone in sight over how bad that segment was
24. Oh, Jim Ross dancing will save everything
25. How do you relay sarcasm in text form?
26. The best spinnerooni Ross can do resembles one of the three stooges spinning while trying to run laying down
27. Foley's Here to Save The Day!
28. Sweet, Million Dollar Man is in the house
29. DiBiase is the Mike Ditka of WWE, he was a serious bad ass when he competed and now he is just hilarious
30. By the way, that's a huge compliment
31. Ted DiBiase is an ordained minister
32. The second award is basically the same thing as the first one, just a shocking moment award
33. That RKO to a flying Christian on the steps really was the best RKO he has done since Evan Bourne caught one mid-shooting star press
34. They should be positioning Bourne as the next Jeff Hardy, and that is not a drug joke, I mean because of the cool spots he can perform
35. Big Show takes the award, even though Mark Henry was the one who superplexed him to break the ring
36. Big Show is going to fight instead of keep talking, thank god
37. I still think a "Chairs Match" is the dumbest stipulation WWE has right now
38. Barrett is his opponent
39. This is interesting considering they are both in the midst of a push right now
40. Barrett tried to go up and put show trough a table
41. Big Show just pounded the table until it broke, which was kind of a cool looking little moment
42. Big Show can slap a man over the top rope from the ringside position
43. Barrett uses a chair and gets DQ'd
44. Oh you didn't know? Yo ass better call somebody!!!
45. Road Dogg is wearing a DX shirt which does not feature his image
46. He can rhyme better than Cole and Ross
47. There is a "Pipebomb of the year" award, I wonder if CM Punk will win
48. The guy who just got suspended is eligible to win
49. How many nominees did this category have, I can't tell
50. Doesn't matter, Punk won
51. CM Punk is carrying a mannequin for some reason
52. Happy Birthday Natalie Slater
53. CM Punk is putting over and insulting John Laurinaitis at the same time
54. "You've got the touch" might just be the funniest song choice they could have used
55. Wow, he was just as boring delivering promos when he was a wrestler
56. This is the worst and best tribute video ever
57. I just realized the mannequin is wearing a Dynamic Dudes T-shirt
58. Punk can do a good Johnny Ace impression
59. Punk and Orton will face Miz and Del Rio later on
60. Lita is here. This night is full of surprises
61. She looks great, hopefully she will take a note from Trish and do a one-off match
62. Does anyone know if Bret Hart ever did a double sharpshooter? if not then Natalya impresses me even more
63. The Divalicious moment of the year goes to Kelly Kelly
64. It should have gone to Beth for the top rope Glam Slam
65. And she agrees with me
66. Santino is presenting with the Bellas
67. Four Slammys and one match so far, great night of wrestling
68. See line 25
69. Santino is calling the Bellas gold diggers
70. I love Brie Bella, Nikki sucks
71. I forgot how crappy it was that Miz wins the main event of WrestleMania and The Rock gets the post-match celebration
72. I think Santino said Triple H and Undertaker won that slammy
73. Trips is back from injury with hammer in hand to save us from another week of Nash promos
74. Now he is definitely safe from Nash because we know WWE only has one sledgehammer
75. Otherwise someone could just hide one during their match at TLC and use it, since the match is no DQ
76. I was wrong about what I said before, a sledge hammer ladder match is WWE's worst stipulation, chairs match is second
77. Is Triple H trying to say he ended Undertaker's streak? That is quite an ego, Mr. Levesque
78. Triple H is right about something, but he is all over the place
79. Otunga and Tony Atlas are out to present the next Slammy
80. Otungas new gimmick is a barista
81. Atlas thinks he is hilarious
82. NO!!!!!!!!! There is a trending on-line award
83. WWE has played the same Hugh Jackman clip a few times tonight
84. The winner will be determined after a fatal 4 way match
85. Let me get this straight, whoever trends worldwide first wins the slammy, but it doesn't matter who wins the match? OK got it
86. Ryder, Rhodes, Bryan and Ziggler are competing
87. Three of these guys have matches at TLC, This could go any direction and the winner will benefit
88. I have been waiting to see Rhodes and Ziggler face off for months and they decide not to fight
89. I have never seen so many 1-counts in my life
90. Cody's Beautiful Disaster kick is always really impressive looking
91. Here we go, Ziggler and Rhodes trading punches
92. Ziggler gets the win in what was a way above average fatal 4 way match
93. Even though that award was supposed to be decided during the match they had the time to put the name of the winner in an envelope for Lawler to open
94. Ryder won the award
95. Dolph beat him up and took it like they were two fifth graders fighting over lunch money
96. WWE continues their trend of selecting awful songs for their PPV themes
97. Totally Awesome, Christian is here to present an award, not being sarcastic
98. Christian wants to give himself an award just for making it to the show
99. The real award is for Game Changer of the Year
100. Christian has a decent argument as to why he should have been in the Superstar of the Year award, but then he called everyone stupid and blew any support he had
101. Edge is eligible to win, maybe we will get to see an E&C reunion, Damn no such luck
102. Cena wins, which might mean he does not win Superstar of the Year
103. Another mixed reaction for Cena tonight
104. Cena pulls a fast one on the crowd and makes them think The Rock is coming out
105. The Rock has an assistant named Bryan
106. Cena is really giving it to Rocky in this little promo/award acceptance speech
107. Seeing Sheamus in a commercial just reminded me he was on Fallon the other night, he was pretty good too
108. He called himself "Milk Bottle White" during the show, that should be his new slogan
109. Since I am watching this live I cannot fast forward through commercials like I normally do so I feel like I have to say this, that movie "The Devil Inside" looks terrible
110. I just thought of this, WWE should shell out whatever it costs to get Larry David to show up and argue with John Laurinaitis about something stupid, it would win an Emmy
111. I am glad that they addressed how Orton and Punk are team mates but used to be bitter rivals
112. Lawler just referenced when he got in a fight with Andy Kaufman, ahh memories
113. Just when I thought they were going to tone down the Twitter talk they go totally overboard with it tonight
114. Cole line of the night "Can you imagine what JR's brain fart smells like?"
115. Punk has been in the ring for a long time at this point
116. Barrett attacks Orton yet again
117. Miz gets what is kind of a clean win over Punk, Barrett's interference did not really do much
118. Orton chases after Barrett leaving Punk to get beaten down by Miz and Del Rio
119. A new Kane video airs, still unsure of when he is returning
120. Vickies presenting the A-lister of the year award
121. With (Deep breath in) Goldust
122. God I hope Snooki does not win
123. I would be OK with Statler and Waldorf winning
124. Damn, Snooki wins and she only sends a message via taped video, what a thankless troll, we paid money and had to watch you and all you can muster is a video reply?
125. Mark Henry is pissed about Cena getting in his business last week
126. I think if Sheamus kicks your head off before a match, it officially cancels the match out
127. The Tribute to the Troops show is something I always enjoy
128. Mysterio is back, this night is full of surprises
129. CM Punk wins Superstar of the Year
130. Johnny Ace comes out instead
131. Punk is too injured to accept the award so Funkman will accept it for him, seems appropriate
132. A much longer "It Begins 2012" video aired which had some more clues
133. They alluded to a girl holding the answer, I really like how this angle is playing out without anyone on Raw actually talking about it
134. I think the videos should be for the return of Finlay to take his son back from WWE
135. WWE does a really nice thing by showing a soldier overseas her family at ringside after we hear the story of how she met Mr. McMahon
136. Mark Henry is facing John Cena next
137. Henry is still wearing his tape on the outside of his boot, no wonder his leg won't heal
138. Cena is having trouble lifting Henry
139. I like that Mark Henry yelled "Come on Mr. USA" while he was stepping on Cena's throat
140. YES! Here comes KANE, with a mask!
141. HE takes out Cena with a chokeslam
142. He takes off his welder's mask to reveal the mask from the videos
143. What an awesome way to end the show and bring him back

Thanks for reading and please fell free to share your thoughts and add your own list items below.