How Boras the Grinch Stole Boston's Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,

The only agent still stirring was Scott Boras, that louse!

The Yankees were hoarding free agents without care,

In the hopes of buying another championship next year.

C.C. & A.J. were signed, their wallets nice and fat,

But the Bronx Bombers still needed another big bat.

For New York let that cheating bum Giambi go,

But who would play first base, Joe Girardi still didn’t know.

When from Brian Cashman’s office, the phone rang loudly,

Cashman wondered aloud, “Who on earth could this be?”

Away to his office he ran to pick up the phone,

“Brian, Scott Boras here, how about I throw you a bone?”

“Sounds good, Scott. I assume you want to make a deal?”

“I do.  Boston beat me on Matsuzaka, now I need to make them squeal.”

“See Brian, I know at first base, you have a huge void,

So how would you like a big bat to help protect A-Roid?”

“But Scott, I’ve heard the reports and they all say,

That Teixeira to the Sox will happen today.”

“Brian, Brian, Brian, Mark Tex is as phony as me,

You know my M.O., we’re using Boston, just watch and see.”

“I never negotiate in good faith and I’ve been stalling all day,

If Boston wants Teixeira, they are going to pay, pay, pay!”

“For I’m Boras the Grinch and need a huge commission, don’t you see?

I’m such a greedy pig, it’s all about me, me, me!”

“I can’t be bothered with this little recession,

You can afford Tex, just sell more concessions.”

“Well, okay Scott but I need to run this by Hank,

I’m sure he’ll relish a chance to put Lucchino’s team in the tank.”

For they are the greedy Yankees, the Evil Empire,

They feel it’s their birth right to sign every player they desire.

Their fans are arrogant and their old ball park stinks,

If the Yanks miss the playoffs again, that will drive Hank to drink.

So Boras and Cashman ran the numbers, crossed the “I”s and dotted the “T”s,

And now it was official.  Mark Teixeira would spurn Boston and join the hated Yankees.

With that, Boras laughed and said “If the Sox think I’ve been a pain in the neck,

They should wait until I screw them on the deal for Jason Varitek!!!!!!!”