Barry Zito: Amber Marie Seyer Not into Success, Agrees To Marry Giants' Zito

Amber Marie Seyer is a saint of a woman. She is not swayed by her man's ability to be good at what he does, and she proved that by agreeing to marry Barry Zito, the pitching machine employed by the San Francisco Giants. 

Let's hope that Zito can live up to this contract, because he sure hasn't in the one he signed with the San Francisco Giants. The man has been allowed to throw cupcakes for a few years now while getting paid billions. Neither the cupcakes nor billions are hyperbole, at least to me. 

The San Francisco Chronicle reports Zito applied for a marriage license at the Marin County clerk’s office November 18th. The clerk at the time, Joyce Whitney, recalls the encounter: "I asked if he wanted a confidential one, and he said ‘no.' He said, ‘Just give me a public one — I’m over myself.’"

That's a nice sentiment, but a little askew. You see, everyone is over him. It seems there isn't a huge market for celebrities that are horrible at what they do. I can't see a little boy running to Zito and shouting, "Can you sign this ball, Mr. Zito? I was there when you let every batter in the world hit you."

Ah, but I kid. This is a joyous occasion for the embattled millionaire. The playboy has set aside his bachelor ways as he finds true love. 

The woman is none other than 25-year-old actress Amber Marie Seyer, a former Miss Missouri USA. She is quite the looker and madly in love with Zito. 

Giants fans may toy with the notion of sending Seyer out to the bump every fifth day. I can't see how it could be any worse than the status quo. 

The report also states that Giants outfielder Nate Schierholtz will soon marry his longtime girlfriend, Kate Eveland. The report didn't include the fact that nobody knows who Schierholtz is, and even fewer care. 

Here is to the happy couple. I hope they live a long and happy life together as they enjoy the free bags of cash supplied to them by the San Francisco Giants.