How Will the Red Sox Look? Through the Eyes of the Mariners, Royals, Pirates....

Todd CivinDec 6, 2008

And the article on MLB.com reads WHAT?????

Jeff Clement could be Mariners DH if the Mariners don't obtain one.

What?

TOP NEWS

Washington Nationals v Los Angeles Angels

Bleacher Report1w

Bleacher Report1w

What part don't I understand?

At Bats : 203 Hits: 46 2B: 10 HR: 5 RBI: 23 TB: 73 BB: 15

K: 63 K/AB 1: 3.1 OBP: .295 SLG: .360 AVE: .227

I rub my eyes..I read it again.

"Jeff Clement could be Mariners DH if the Mariners don't obtain one. "

"Honey. Did you mix my Viagra with my V8 again?"

I spend each day thinking about my beloved Red Sox.....

The picture goes foggy and all dream-like...

"If we sign Mark Teixeira and Jason Varitek and trade Lugo for your top of the rotation starter. We'll be all set. We'll contend for the next millennium."

"But wait, we still have Lowell that we can trade for your No. 2 starter and we'll eat a portion of his salary and your bat boy's salary. "

"Then we'll sign a phenom from Japan, who will go 18-3 in his second year and be our #3 starter. And you throw in the best Japanese lefty reliever in baseball. And two years later, when we're bored, we'll sign the next Japanese phenom for the same salary as your whole team. And you, Pittsburgh, will sign Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel because they have million-dollar arms.

"Jeff Clement could be Mariners DH if the Mariners don't obtain one. "

What???

I said....."Jeff Clement could be Mariners DH if the Mariners don't obtain one. " Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..Jeff Clement..

He could be your, what?

Your DH. Designated Hitter?

My guy, Papi pissed me off, SOOOOO BAD this year.

He had the balls to hurt his mitt and his line looked like this...

Games:109 AB: 416 H: 110 2B: 30 HR: 23

RBI: 89 OBP: 369 SLG: .507 AVE: .264

Oh. What DH are they talking about...Maybe it doesn't stand for Designated Hitter.

Dog House? Doogie Houser? Dustin's Handkerchief?

Why don't they just obtain one? Your dude has a lifetime batting average of my weight. With an OBP of my sister's weight and a slugging percentage of CC Sabathia's weight.

My dude, that pisses me off, hit 40 points more and had the same number of HR as your dude had RBI?

So what you're saying is.....96% of the baseball world gets to look forward to Jeff Clement being their DH, while the Sox figure out where to unload Matt Clement.

The Sox sign Dustin Pedroia to a six-year, $40 million dollar deal, while the Pirates try to get Dustin Hoffman to sing the National Anthem at their empty stadium on Opening Day.

The Sox or the Rays or the Phillies get to t-i-n-k-e-r, while the also-rans of the league get the same word, but with an S at the beginning (S-T-I-N-K....)..

OMG! In nearly five decades of watching Sox baseball, I've never looked at the world through the eyes the doormat. I've had the khutzpah to whine about Buckner and Boone and Dent and Dave Stewart, but never wished that my team could even play in that all-important game.

I've pissed and moaned about Varitek and Lowe, but never realized what it feels like to get Heathcliff Slocumb in return.

I bitched about Babe, but never sat through "No No Nanette."

Why, I even complained about THE CURSE without ever having been a Cubs Fan.

My 8-year old nephew told me that he loves the Red Sox. "They've won just about every year since the beginning of baseball."

Oh yeah. What about 1919, 1920, 1921,..1932, 1946, 1953....1967..1975..1986, 1995, 2001, 2002......?

And the Celtics and the Bruins and the Patriots...?

What do the fans feel like in Kansas City? They root for the Royals, who have had 14 seasons in a row below .500 and are actually a collective 300 games under .500 during that time frame.

They are blessed with the joy of going to bed for nearly one full year feeling like losers instead of winners, while I get to lie in the same bed (sort of, but not really), nearly 750 times during the same time frame, feeling like a winner.

In 2006, my Red Sox finished third. They were 10 games over .500. I hated them that year. They had the BALLS to go 86-76.

Since 1996, the Royals have finished in 5th, 5th, 3rd, 4th, 4th, 5th, 4th, 3rd, 5th, 5th, 5th, 5th, and 4th.

And their football team, the Chiefs, is 12 games under .500 since the year 2000, thanks to a 13-3 record in 2003.

Their basketball team....the Kansas City Kings? Moved to Sacramento, nearly 25 years ago, after splitting their name with Omaha and trading their All-time leading scorer to my, Boston Celtics. The Celts spit on KC, by parlaying him into the point guard for the 1981 NBA Champion Boston Celtics.

The first coach of the KC Kings? Bob Cousy.

The championship coach of the Celts of the mid 80's? K.C. Jones!

K-frickin-C!!!!

Kansas City's hockey team?

ESPN headlines from January 4, 2007 read....