NBA Lockout: Crisis Could Be Averted by Merging with WNBA

It's no secret: we all miss basketball. The season wouldn't have even started yet, but we loathe the inevitable future. It's bad enough that baseball has been boring ever since steroids were eliminated, but now we might have to suffer a whole year without a member of the Miami Heat crying after a regular season game.

And no, Canada, hockey isn't enough. Most Americans think Wayne Gretzky is still in the league, and actual fans are, more often than not, just waiting for a bandwagon to hop onto. Without basketball, there's no telling what drudgery lies ahead after football season ends.

Ray Lewis claimed the crime rate would rise if the NFL lockout continued (did anyone else imagine him as the scary oracle from 300? No? Okay). I predict that NBA Commissioner David Stern will finally start fining fans for being too impatient with the league's lockout.

My solution to prevent such misery from occurring is simple. All we hear about nowadays in this country is equal rights, and when it comes to women's basketball, the NBA has been breaking its back with commercials featuring Dwight Howard explaining to fans that basketball is basketball, just to produce a market for the WNBA.

Listen, I'd be a liar if I said I've never made a joke about women's sports, but it's time we let all the ladies prove to men, once and for all, that they belong on the same court.

Make the WNBA a co-ed league. Just until the lockout is over. The WNBA isn't exactly making any money, and what better way to attract fans than by selling posters of Russell Westbrook dunking over six foot women with his junk in their face (relax ladies, it'd only be a little less funny if it were a guy?)

And besides, wouldn't the women get better from playing with men? When I was in high school, the faster girls on the cross country team would run with the boys to improve their time—and it worked. Different sport, same idea.

(Now before any feminists accuse me of sexism, allow me to suggest that you save your breath, because the NBA being better and more exciting than the WNBA is a fact. Show me a girl that can dunk like Blake Griffin or go coast-to-coast like Derrick Rose and then I'll buy season tickets.)

This merging of the sexes not only puts both genders on a level playing field, but it also might help prevent NBA players from going overseas. And wouldn't it be interesting to see if LeBron James is as clutch-less in the WNBA as he is in the NBA? Doesn't anyone else want to see Kobe Bryant mean mug Candace Parker?

Think of all the drama! Players sleeping with each other, love triangles: who wouldn't watch this? How jealous will Khloe Kardashian get when she finds out Lamar Odom is sharing a hotel room with a female athlete? What if Sylvia Fowles puts a hard foul on Paul Pierce? Is he still going to need a wheel chair? What about Ron Artest? Even if he was the only guy in the WNBA, I'd still watch. The possibilities here are infinite.

And who knows? If the women hold their own, then they might just acquire a whole new fan base, and boost their league to the next level. On ESPN.com, when you scroll over “More Sports,” the WNBA comes after poker (not even a sport), and far after women's college basketball.

If teenage girls can handle playing high school football with the guys, than this should work out fine. A lot of people are against change, but both sides would benefit from this temporary marriage. And that's all it is: temporary and awesome.