Albert Pujols, Mike Tyson, Shaquille O'Neal & the Best Bald Athletes: With Hair!
So much for Samson.
But what would these sportsmen look like today if they were coiffed, had glorious flowing manes or, um, sported other fine hairstyles?
There's only one way to find out...flip through this slideshow for a little Friday Fun. Don't worry, I won't tell the boss.
Wayne Rooney Hair Transplant
Rooney, has won five PFA Player of the Year honors, is a two-time England Player of the Year and won the FIFA Golden Ball award in 2008.
He was a frontrunner for the Golden Bald award in 2010, when he announced via Twitter that he had gotten a hair transplant.
This is the photo Rooney tweeted.
He was also known for his bad boy image and wild and ever-changing hairstyles.
Today, even a tennis ball has more fuzz than Agassi's dome.
Here he is with wife, and fellow majors winner (22—most all-time), Steffi Graf.
Andre Agassi...With Hair!
And here is Steffi Graff again...no wait...my mistake. It's Andre Agassi with hair.
Actually, it was a wig.
Brian Urlacher...With Hair!
Welcome to the Hairpiece.
Kevin Garnett...With Hair!
He would find this ludicrous.
Jeff Van Gundy...With Hair!
Hey, it's only fair.
Albert Pujols is the best player in baseball. Well, at least for the past decade. He was Rookie of the Year in 2001 and is a three-time MVP.
That is one beautiful, gleaming cranium.
Albert Pujols...With Hair!
I'm glad he went with the bald look.
Stone Bald Steve Austin
Stone Bald is one of the greatest and most popular wrestlers in history—and is a 13-time champion. He was Pro Wrestling Illustrated's Rookie of the Year in 1990 and is a three-time Wrestler of the Year.
Steve Austin...With Hair!
Geez, what happens to these guys when they retire?
"Is that a banana in your pocket?"
Shaquille O'Neal will go down as one of the greatest players to ever hit the hardwood. He was an MVP, a 15-time All Star and a four-time champ. Shaq's got the fifth-most points in NBA history.
Alas, O'Neal retired at the end of the 2010-11 season. We'll miss The Big Baldness.
Shaquille O'Neal...With Hair!
"Happy Biiiiiiiiirthday Mister Presidennnt."
Mark Messier...With Hair!
"She Loves You, Eh, Eh, Eh!"
Ever since Trent Dilfer joined ESPN, Matt Hasselbeck has worn the crown of best bald QB in the NFL. He took the improbable Seattle Seahawks to the Super Bowl in 2005 and a 7-9 team past the reigning champion New Orleans Saints in the 2010 Wild Card.
With the 2011 football season up in the air, Matt is hoping the Anchorman sequel will still come through and he can pick up bare change as...
Matt Hasselbeck...With Hair!
Ron Burgundy's stunt double.
Oh wait...wrong picture, sorry.
Matt Hasselbeck...With Hair!
Ron Burgundy's stunt double (ba-dum-bum).
Matt Hasselbeck...With a Ridiculous Mustache!
Michael Jordan: the GOAT.
And the MRBDITW: Most Recognized Bald Dude in the World.
Michael Jordan...With Hair!
Now he wants to be the GOAT of hair. Give someone else a chance, Michael!
Cal Ripken Jr.
Cal Ripken Jr. is best known for holding the major league baseball consecutive-games streak: 2,632 straight games. He also was the Rookie of the Year, a 19-time All-Star, two-time MVP and member of the 1983 World Champion Baltimore Orioles.
Cal Ripken Jr. is the Iron Man. Come to think of it, he also kind of looks a little bit like Ironman, at least follicley.
Ripken is one of the most beloved athletes of the 20th century. He is very active in charitable work and helped found Athletes for Hope, whose vision is to "to empower the sports community, especially athletes, to make a difference, and to inspire others to pass their passion for philanthropy from generation to generation."
Little do they know about Cal's alter-ego.
Cal Ripken Jr...With Hair!
According to everyone from Pele to Michael Platini to David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane is one of the most skilled players to ever take the pitch. He led the French National Team to the World Cup title in 1998 and is a three-time FIFA World Footballer of the Year.
In the 2006 World Cup Final, Zidane launched one of the most remembered "headers" in Cup history.
Zinedine Zidane...With Hair!
And he's been working on his technique.
Charles Barkley was the 1993 NBA MVP, an 11-time All Star (in a row) and 11-time All-NBA (in a row).
He's the best baldy to never win an NBA championship.
Charles Barkley...With Hair!
And there go the remaining seconds of Sanjaya's 15 minutes.
Kevin Youkilis...With Hair!
He doesn't care what anyone thinks.
Not that there's anything wrong with a bearded man in a skimpy denim tank-top.
Marvelous Marvin Hagler
Marvin Hagler was the 1983 and 1985 Ring Magazine Fighter of the Year and a World Middleweight Champion.
Hagler fought in a number of highly-billed and historical fights back in the '80's, including an incredible 15-round comeback decision over Roberto Duran and a three-round knockout of Thomas Hearns.
Marvin Hagler...With Marvelous Hair!
"Mike Tyson's tickly spot is here."
Four-time Super Bowl champion Terry Bradshaw was the Super Bowl MVP two of those times—and was MVP once during the regular season.
Bradshaw can't remember the last time one of his hairs fell into his grits.
Terry Bradshaw...With Hair!
"And I was like baby, baby, baby, y'all."
(I had to look up the lyrics, I swear.)
A three-time Super Bowl champion, Emmitt Smith is the NFL's all-time leading rusher and was the 1993 MVP.
It's all about aerodynamics.
Emmit Smith...With Hair!
Run the ball. Pass the Dutchie.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, owner of six rings, six MVP titles and 19 All-Star selections, is also the NBA's all-time leader in minutes, field goals and points.
Give him a statue, for God's sake!
There's one fact you may not have known about Kareem. He was once part of an early '80s rap duo...
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar...With Hair!
Kareem 'n Play.
Ray Nitschke had as many hairs on his head as vowels in his last name.
He was a member of the Super Bowl I and II Champion Green Bay Packers.
Ray Nitschke...With Hair!
Nitschke failed his Mad Max audition: too lovey-dovey.
Barry Bonds has the most home runs in baseball history.*
And for those of you who believe in the sanctity of statistics...
Barry Bonds...With Hair!
Mark Messier...With Hair Again!
Jaromír Jágr and Mark Messier gave birth to...this!
Kelly Slater...With Hair!
He was the 1995 Rookie of the Year and is the current active leader in assists (second all-time) and steals (third). Those are some serious numbers.
Kidd is also known for his level-headed demeanor.
Jason Kidd...With Hair!
The stoic Mr. Kidd. "Nanoo-Nanoo." Oops, wrong alien.
"Play long and prosper." That's better.
Footballer Roberto Carlos is currently playing for Russian team Anzhi Makhachkala.
He was a member of the 2002 World Cup Champion Brazilian National Team and was the recipient of the 2008 Golden Foot.
All that hair gets in the way in football.
Roberto Carlos...With Hair!
"You ain't nothin' but a cao de caca."
Mike Tyson was once the most absolute fearsome mofo to step into a ring. I mean, he would flatten these guys in seconds. He'd knock the teeth out of their mouths and the damn hair off their head.
Between 1986 and 1990, Iron Mike was the WBC, WBA and IBP World Heavyweight Champion.