The Curse of the Coaching Candidates

You all remember the heady days of December 2007…that exciting time when the Hogs’ head football coaching job was up for grabs and dozens of coaches across the South were rewarded with fat raises as soon as the Razorback Foundation jet appeared in their airspace.

Yes, it was a glorious period in Arkansas history…one during which the likes such as Jim Grobe and Tommy Bowden basked in the coaching search spotlight for minutes, sometimes hours. After a few crazy weeks, it miraculously ended up quite well with Bobby Petrino…but whatever happened to those few dozen others who were in the running for the job?

We assigned our crack team of interns to the project and were quite shocked to discover that there apparently is a curse - yes, a curse - that has fallen on everyone who missed out on the Head Hog job. Read on, but be forewarned: the following information will chill your bones and send a shiver down your spine.

Tommy Bowden: canned from Clemson after a disappointing 3-3 start

Lane Kiffin: fired by the Raiders, then publicly emasculated by a possibly senile old despot

Tommy Tuberville: is rumored to be hanging by a thread after a humiliating loss to the Hogs

Those three you probably knew about. But what about some of the lesser-known victims?

Jim Grobe: afflicted with irritable bowel syndrome

Skip Holtz: has chronic hangnails

Norm Chow: sometimes feels an existential angst that he can neither explain nor resolve

Butch Davis: will never be Dean Smith

Reggie Herring: closely resembles the dad on the failed 80’s sitcom, “Just the Ten of Us”

Will Muschamp: surrounded by Texans, 24-7

As you can see, the consequences of rejecting (or not getting) the job are severe. Please join us in keeping a good thought for these poor men.