The Rules Of Football

You have to know the football rules before you break them...

Here are a few of FIFA’s law’s behind the beautiful game! (The important ones, of course!)

1)      Matches may be played on natural or artificial surfaces, according to the rules of the competition.  – As opposed to no surface at all.

2)      The colour of artificial surfaces must be green - Aw, so no pink, orange  and purple? That sucks!

3)      The field of play must be rectangular  - There was a problem with putting the goalposts on a circular pitch.

4)      A goal must be placed on the centre of each goal line  - OH, so that’s what should be placed on the goal line. And I thought it was just for decoration!

5)      Goals must be anchored securely to the ground - You know, so goal keepers aren’t allowed to move it around according to their convenience.

6)      The ball is spherical – Would it be called a ball if it was square? Does FIFA think we’re stupid?

7)      If the ball bursts, the match is stopped – So we can’t kick around a deflated ball? Wow, someone tell our school that!

8)      A match is played by two teams – That’s news. Call CNN!

9)      Each match is controlled by a referee- Of course we know that, why else you think we’d let a short funny looking man who doesn’t touch the football tell us to get off the field? He’s the man who runs around like a fool trying to avoid getting hit by the (spherical) ball.

10)   A goal may be scored directly from kick off – Says who? Superman?

11)   A goal is scored when the whole of a ball passes over the goal line – As opposed to half the ball!

12)   The team scoring the greater number of goals during a match is the winner – I disagree, no matter how many goals scored my team always win!

13)   A direct free kick is also awarded to the opposing team if a player spits at an opponent – So spitting is just going to result in a direct free kick? You hear this Torres? Only a free kick!

14)   A yellow card is used to communicate that the player has been cautioned – Oh, so not because it’s pretty? Referees sometimes get mixed up between a RED and YELLOW card.

15)   A red card is used to communicate that a player has been sent of – Yet, some players fail to understand this because they also get mix up with RED and YELLOW cards.

16)   The player taking the penalty kick must kick the ball forward – Why not backwards? Also, the player should be banned from kissing the ball, it's harassment of a ball.

17)   A goal cannot be scored directly from a throw in – Ever tried? It’s not possible!

18)   All items of jewellery are strictly forbidden –Does that mean no belts? Aw...

19)   The referee must ensure an injured player is safely removed from the field of play – Hear that? No stepping over injured players accidently! That rules out stamping on Cristiano’s head when he’s down on the floor...where he usually tends to be...

20)   Any player bleeding must leave the field of play – No Bleeding on the pitch! Turns it red. See rule (2).

21)   A played must be cautioned if he removes his shirt while celebrating a goal – Oh well; it’s that rule that’s cost football a lot of female viewers. Also, there can be difficulty in putting the shirt back on the player. (Watch World Cup finals 2002, Brazil vs. Germany)

22)   A played must be cautioned if he puts on a mask while celebrating a goal- Thats Tevez' Christmas present ruined...

23) A player who is guilty of violent conduct must be sent off- This rule has kept Zidane from head-butting players... up until the day he forgot about it.