Florida Marlins Say Altercation With Washington Never Happened (Satire)

The Florida Marlins have publicly stated that whatever media sources are reporting a brawl during their game last night are false. Major League Baseball says that since there were no fans at the Marlins game last night, there are no witnesses to prove otherwise. 

The Marlins have become synonymous with having a very low attendance average. On television, there are not any fans in the seats and thus a ton of orange seats are left exposed to the cameras. Last night was no exception. 

When Nyjer Morgan charged the mound last night, both benches were cleared and just about everyone on both teams were involved in the brawl. But it seems like those were the only people around to see what happened. 

You may ask what about the television cameras and the live broadcast of the game? Well, according to Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria, he says that what was seen on television was a staged commercial. It was all a fake advertisement during the inning. 

It doesn't seem to add up even in the Commissioner's office. Bud Selig has refused to comment on what "reportedly" went down in Miami.

The eight game suspension to Nyjer Morgan issued today was due to the inappropriate language used in the commercial. Baseball officials are still looking for the possible one fan in attendance at the Marlins vs. Nationals game. The fan holds the key testimony as to what really occurred on the Thursday night in Miami. 

Looks like this is where having fans of your team actually comes in handy! Sadly, it doesn't seem like there is such thing as a Florida Marlins fan.