Predicting Brian Burke's Doomsday: Trending Now!!

Toronto fans are an easily excitable bunch, and this fact is not lost on Maple Leafs sports writers.

Here we are in the middle of August, nearly 2 months away from the start of the season, and seemingly every Leaf article which contains the words "Kaberle", "Trade" or "Deadline Just _____ Days Away" is guaranteed some heavy reads.

On the heals of Kaberle trade talk fatigue however, there is a new breed of article emerging in droves - the fear piece! Burke Has Dropped the Ball, No Suitors For Kaberle, etc. The headlines and negative speculation are everywhere now, with no corner of the web safe - especially with "only 5 days remaining".

I fully admit that I suffered from a serious case Kaberle Trade Speculation Fever myself over the past several weeks but have since seen my symptoms subside. There are only so many articles you can read (and write - I am guilty on this front too) before it all meshes together and we come to realise that we are all each other's sources, and this works like a twisted game of broken telephone.

The issue is that Brian Burke is not talking to any writers about trade specifics, or at least not saying anything of importance. This is exactly the way it should be.

What clouds the point though, is that Burke is saying plenty to the media and he is adept at playing the writers while dropping self-promotional tidbits. These statements keep the trade discussion winds alive, give hope to the faithful that progress is being made while generating interest in his closed-auction scenario. He has also gone on record to denounce certain trade possibilities for notable NHL stars and this only helps fuel the high-end speculation over Kaberle's worth.

Then what is a Toronto Maple Leafs writer to do? Why, search for the greater meaning in a few Brian Burke quotes of course!

Given that we have precious little information to work with and a strong desire to draw sweeping conclusions from these remarks, I have collected some of Burke's best quotes below for review. I then applied my patented Thinking-Stuffs® method of analysis to them and assigned a non-scientific Effectiveness Rating™ indicating the overall success of the statement.

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Brian Burke Quote 1: "This is not an auction."

Yes it is an auction.

While nay-sayers will chime in that Burke said he "has no problem keeping the player if the right bid doesn't present itself" this is not the case. The Leafs are dangerously close to the cap, yet Burke chose to pursue yet another defenceman in Brett Lebda instead of addressing the Leafs glaring needs at forward. He could not have made it more clear that Kaberle is getting moved by the end of the day August 15th if he tried.

Now that we have established that this is indeed an auction let's treat it as such.

When you are selling something at an auction and you start getting progressively better bids do you suddenly snatch up the highest bid while the auction is still in progress?

Take a look at the following scenario:

Auctioneer: "Our next item is a mint condition Wayne Gretzky OPC rookie card. The bidding starts at $25.00."

Bidder 1: "$25.00"

Bidder 2: "$50.00"

Bidder 3: "$75.00"

Bidder 2: "$78.52"

Auctioneer: "Whoa SOLD for $78.52!!! Sorry guys - I could have kept going, in fact I had another 5 days left and clearly plenty of interest but I was getting really freaked out."

Clearly, this is not how things work. What we all need to remember here is that like any good businessman, Burke is being patient. He has five more days to deal Kaberle and he is taking his sweet time doing it, as he should. At the moment, there is no comparable player to Kaberle on the market and no other player who shares Kaberle's trade window requirement of needing to be dealt by the end of Sunday. Without a doubt, this is the perfect condition to create a bidding war.

This quote is an example Burke reverse-psychology at it's very finest.

Effectiveness Rating: 9/10.

Oh, and for the record I will totally buy someone's Gretzky rookie card for $78.52. Don't try that eBay thing you won't get that much for it on there. Call me!!

Brian Burke Quote 2: "...no impact of note with regard to Kovalchuk"

Sorry to contradict Burke here, but sadly Kovalchuck's free agent status has a large impact. When two of the more serious teams expressing interested in acquiring your $4.25 million puck-moving defenceman are actively pursuing a superstar player and need to mortgage their futures to navigate the cap space, well...it kind of affects your ability to move the less attractive option.

Leafs fans all appreciate the brave face he is putting on here and the attempt to get the focus back on his prize, but this claim simply doesn't hold water.

Effectiveness Rating: C+. Too much evidence to the contrary. He does get a few points in that not every team bidding for Kaberle's services is interested in Kovalchuck, so this adds some merit to his statement.

Brian Burke Quote 3 (in response to reporter's question about a potential trade for Marc Savard):  "There's no truth to it."

Interactions like this are intriguing as they get Kaberle's name printed in the same sentence as highly skilled centers PLUS Burke appears to only have the slightest passing interest in the possibility. It's the classic Cool Guy 101 move to get the girl!

Cool guy thought process: if I just say "hi" and act like I think she's just okay and I really don't need it, than she might think I'm cool enough to consider me date material.

In short, every cool guy on the planet knows that desperation will never get you what you want.

Effectiveness Rating: Ice Cream Cone. Overall effectiveness undetermined at this juncture...but a nice try.

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So I must now say that as a collective, Leaf Nation needs to relax. Sit back, have a beer if you are of age (19 in Ontario - 21 in the States...bahaha) and wait for midnight Sunday to arrive before passing your judgement as to whether or not Burke handled the situation properly.

I for one cannot recall how many times I have seen trades finalized and the players involved were never on anyone's radar. To me this is a comforting thought. Burke has built a very strong team in short order since he has arrived in Toronto, and he is better than anybody at fleecing other GMs for their assets.

We should all have a little faith right now.

Simply put, Burke is not concerned that writers are saying he is dangerously close to mishandling the situation and this could lead to his personal downfall. These same writers will be gushing all over his upcoming Sunday trade and will make like they never doubted him for a moment.