The 12 Worst Songs Ever Recorded By Athletes

Evan WileyCorrespondent IJuly 29, 2008

Athletes aren't musicians for a reason and vice versa.  Kid Rock would suck as a running back.  These guys suck as musicians

The sad thing is that somewhere, at a meeting, these atrocities beat out all the other ideas.

12.  The Rock and Wyclef-It doesn't matter

This one is the "best" of the worst, mainly because Wyclef had the good sense to only allow the Rock to yell out his catch phrase.  As integral as yelling a catch phrase is today in hip-hop one could say the Rock was a pioneer.

11. Koko B. Ware-Piledriver

Apparently the guys from the WWF all have day jobs working construction and only moonlight as wrestlers (which probably isn't far from the truth for most of them).

Watch Koko bump and grind with parrot in hand and make the ladies melt.  He also gives us some wisdom singing that, "sometimes love sounds like a fight."

10. Shaq-freestyle, aka "Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes"

When Shaq isn't playing basketball or protecting the world from pederasts, he likes to bust out some freestyle.  Listen to him spew profanity, racial slurs, and repeat the same lines a couple of time as he stumbles to find another set of lyrics somewhere in that big brain of his.

9.  WWF-Land of a Thousand Dances

Ever wanted to hear a bunch of wrestlers yell song lyrics?  Here's your chance. Think the people of Minnesota had any clue their future governor would be someone from this video?

As an added bonus watch George the Animal Steele almost dry hump some poor lady.

It's also worth checking out The Missing Link, who just looks confused and says nothing, true to his persona. 

8. Shaq-I got Skillz

We learned 2 things about Shaq:

1. He can't spell "skills."

2. He apparently goes everywhere in the back of a moving truck.

7. Deion Sanders-Must Be The Money

Looking like he just got done shopping at Manstyle in the Georgia Square Mall; where one can get a purple suit with matching Kangol and pimp cane, Deion drops some serious game. 

Keep in mind that this song resides on some back up singers' resumes somewhere.

This song has to be a joke.  No way could anyone take this seriously. 

Did Deion really think people would want to see him hang out in a hair salon and admire himself in a mirror? Everyone knows only Morris Day could pull that one off.

Further proof that this song is some sort of elaborate prank comes from one of the final lines of the song: "My library cards gonna turn into credit cards."

6. The Chicago Bears-The Super Bowl Shuffle

How can you not love this? Sure they've got the talent of rocks and it drags on for seven minutes, but that's beside the point. 

I think the only instrument actually being played is the Ferrell-esque performance of Maury Buford on the cowbell. 

Gary Fencik manages sounds at least as manly as Mr. Rogers on estrogen.

But in the end, it's fun, which is all they were going for.

5. The Fabulous Freebirds-Bad Street USA

If a few mullet-head redneck hair metal guys actually went to down town Atlanta to frighten the locals with their "badness," I think they'd just get shot. 

This is the wrestling equivalent to Mick Jagger actually going to Central Park at night and asking people what's the matter with them.  There's a reason he never actually did it.

However, these guys are so bad they claim to be able to take on the entire Army and USMC.

Good luck with that one.

4. Mr. T-Treat Your Mother Right

Hey this guy wasn't an athlete! 

Sure he was.  He played college football and he wrestled.

He shows us the beauty of love for his mom with this lyric:

"M is for the moans and the miserable groans from the pain that she felt when I was bone "

You can tell he meant well.  If only someone had talked him out of this; and told him it'd be nicer to make his mom a card and buy her a Cadillac or something.

3. Juan Pierre And Dontrelle Willis-Freestyle

Worst rap lyrics ever.  They don't rhyme.  He doesn't keep the same rhythm or syllable count through the duration of the piece.  His only saving grace is Dontrelle Willis trying to do his best impersonation of a Blue Flame Lounge Dancer.

2. The 1988 Seminoles-Seminole Rap

This song is great for both the deadpan delivery and the fact that they lost their first game that year to Miami. 

All the white guys suck worse at rapping than any have sucked before, but at least they don't seem to take themselves seriously.

Which brings us to Odell Haggins, who sounds exactly like Jimmy Kimmel's impersonation of Karl Malone.

Deion manages to look like an aerobics instructor with a Jheri curl.

And last but not least, we learn one of their main motivations for playing is: Burt Reynolds.

1.The 1986 Mets-Get Metsmerized

When the Bible mentions the "Abomination that maketh desolate..." they had to be thinking of this. 

The year is 1986 and the Mets set aside some of their cocaine and booze money to crank out this garbage.

Daryl Strawberry manages to make George Foster sound good.  The lyrics and rhyming schemes pretty much never match up and the music seems to jump around at random and with out explanation.

Doc Gooden delivery makes him sound like a suburban math teacher who's attempting to rap for an instructional video about quadratics.

Santana can barely speak English, much less rap.

The whole thing is a comedy of errors and a dang funny one at that.

Honorable Mentions:

1. I swear Daryl Strawberry made a really bad rap single.  I heard it as a kid.  I tried looking for it, but all I found was a guy claiming to have produced it.

2. Hugs Not Drugs-The Atlanta Hawks

They made an anti-drug rap song in the late 80's.  My 3rd grade teacher used to play it for us if we were good, as if it were an incentive to behave.  I can't find any evidence it existed though other than a couple of passing mentions online.

3.My Name is Willie-Willie Beamen

Oliver Stone figured out that football players suck at music, so he added this gem to Any Given Sunday.  Pure Genius!

The only thing keeping it out is that it's fictional.

4. Anything by the Insane Clown Posse.  They do wrestle professionally after all.


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