Carlos Zambrano Moves To Bullpen To Make Way for Henry Rowengartner

In a surprise twist in the never-ending saga of Carlos Zambrano, the Cubs management has decided to send the eight-year veteran starter to the bullpen to make way for the 12-year-old Henry Rowengartner, who just came off the disabled list with a broken arm.

Rowengartner, or Rosenbagger/Gardenhoser as he likes to be called, played some outfield for the Pirates of the Little League, but has confidence he can make the switch to pitcher as new teammate Randy Wells has.

"I recently broke my doctor's nose doing a pitching motion, so I'm thinking I can pitch," Rowengartner said. "I'm hoping, like my testicles, I don't drop the ball."

Billy Heywood, 12-year-old manager of the Minnesota Twins, couldn't see any reasoning behind moving Zambrano to the bullpen. In his 12 years of memorizing lineups and claiming to know exactly what a manager should have done in situations, which is complete opinion, Heywood has never seen anything like this.

"I can't figure out any kind of strategy where this makes sense," Heywood said.

Heywood is currently still under investigation for ordering the pornographic film Night Nurses from Jersey numerous times on a Twins' road trip a season ago, along with benching the team's best player, Lou Collins, for dating his mom.

Roger Bomman, the "lucky charm" for the Los Angeles Angels, who can change the momentum of a game with a couple flaps of his arms, felt the Cubs would need much more than help from above to break their World Series curse with this management running things.

"What a stupid f@#%ing move that was," Bomman said. "The guy upstairs, along with his/her/its angels, hates the Cubs. They should look to Satan if they want help."

Bomman is under investigation for illegally supplying the Angels with steroids.