Red Sox Nation Still Feeling Effects of Hurricane A-Rod (Satire)

When Hurricane A-Rod ripped through Red Sox Nation last November, 10 years of prosperity were quickly washed away in a $200 million tsunami of pinstripes.  It was the day the New York Yankees reclaimed their dominance in the American League.  It was a day that Red Sox fans are still trying to forget as they now try and rebuild their shattered egos.

Relief efforts have been greeted with mixed reviews over the past three months as Red Sox fans question the quality of building materials used in the restoration process.  Lead architect Theo Epstein has vowed to aide all those displaced in the hurricane, despite the criticism. 

“You have to realize, that after a tragedy like what has happened here, it takes a lot to try and enrich the lives of all those who’ve suffered,” Epstein told reporters.  “But then you also need to realize, on the other hand, that we can’t just throw money at the problem and call it fixed.  It takes the effort of a nation.”

Petey Schmidt of Revere, Massachusetts didn’t see it the same way Epstein did.

“Guy, he freakin’ tries to help us out by using Cameron & Beltre brand concrete?  That’s like telling my friends Sully and Fitzy they don’t get to watch none of the games in HD next year.  It’s wicked shotty. Why you gonna do this to me Theo?”

Despite the differences between fans and Epstein, both agreed that the recent visit of celebrity Angelina Jolie was a morale boost to everyone. 

“It’s a terrible shame to see all these people displaced.  We need to remind them that with pride and dignity, they can reclaim their spot on top of the mountain,” Jolie told fans at BostonBeerworks.

The Red Sox open spring training in only 10 days, so as the Nation stands on guard, there will be plenty of time throughout the long season to finish the rebuilding efforts, and rely on hope that the recent setback doesn’t carry the weight of this past season’s events.

Andrew Bock