Mark McGwire's Steroid Excuses Reminds Me of Clinton's "I Didn't Inhale"

"When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again." –Bill Clinton

Right, and you never had sex with that girl. Meanwhile, we have former MLB slugger and baseball savior Mark "Big Mac" McGwire telling Bob Costas on the MLB Network that yes, I did steroids but I didn't use them to hit home runs.

That statement belongs right alongside the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Eskimos among famous lies.

Oh, and by the way, Tony LaRussa saying he just found out about Big Mac's usage on Sunday? Well, that's a bunch of b.s. too.

Look, McGwire had a golden chance to come clean, perhaps shed some additional light on the whole steroid era, and rid himself of some guilt and a bad public image. But he swung and missed—big time.

This guy is either in complete denial, or he's still lying...probably a bit of both. For he actually told Costas that he didn't believe performance enhancing drugs—the very name alone says it all—didn't help him hit home runs.

"I truly believe so," McGwire said. "I believe I was given this gift. The only reason I took steroids was for health purposes."

I really don't know why he just didn't say he thought it was flax seed oil or that he thought Miguel Tejada was shooting him with B-12 vitamins.  

Come on, even when athletes supposedly come clean, they still reek of insincerity.

Well then, if all this is true, Mr. McGwire, why do you feel so contrite and why are you crying, big man? After all, you didn't cheat, it didn't help you at your craft, right? So what's the problem?

It's all part of a massive cover-up by major league baseball, and LaRussa, McGwire and many others are all too willing to go along for the ride in an effort to save face.

Consider our buffoon of a commissioner's reaction to McGwire's statements:

"I am pleased that Mark McGwire has confronted his use of performance-enhancing substances as a player. Being truthful is always the correct course of action, which is why I had commissioned Senator George Mitchell to conduct his investigation. This statement of contrition, I believe, will make Mark's re-entry into the game much smoother and easier," Selig said.

Hey, you cheated, welcome back! This was all part of the plan you know. McGwire was told that if he "confessed"—and that word is in quotes for a reason—he would be able to resume his career in baseball like he wants to and all will be forgiven.

Like drunks on the street, these aren't liars and cheats, they're the fragile elite. There's an excuse for everything in this world.

This is no one's fault, and yet it's everyone's fault. We cheat on our taxes, we cheat on our spouse...so it's understandable that a baseball player cheats the national pastime.

Lizzy Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks...

For after all, we're all in this together. You, me, the Commish, the owners, the players, the agents...everyone was an enabler to this soiled era.

Bud was only too happy to look the other way in order to save the game from the World Series cancellation. And we were naive enough to swallow it all up, filling the stadium seats with our butts, and screaming for our favorite heroes.

Those that knew, shame on you. Those who didn't, well, shame on us too.

All I know is that I just want to move on from this whole mess. And we will never be able to fully move on without that entire list of cheaters coming forward. Even then, we'll never know how many used the stuff and just didn't get caught or fail a test.

Look, this stuff matters because it tarnishes the integrity of a game whose numbers and statistics are so damn important. Some of baseball's sacred records mean nothing now, reduced to asterisks by greedy baseball people who played with the wheels of a passenger train that cracked on the tracks one night.

And we were all along for the ride, come to think of it.