Dear Santa…Please Bring Arizona a Fourth Starter

With December in full swing, the children are already counting down the days until Christmas.

The tree has been decorated and we’ve even put up the Nativity Set.

About all that is left to do is send a letter to Santa.

Sitting down and writing a personal note to the jolly old elf seems as antiquated as using rocks for bases, but it is still a tradition that I stand by regardless of how much technology has advanced.

Besides, at this point in time you just can’t take any chances.

My wife continually reminds me of all the trouble I have caused throughout the year.

The last thing I need is for her to present that data to Santa without having an opportunity to present a rebuttal.

It has been my experience that it is always good to open the letter with an inquiry into Santa’s health, and it doesn’t hurt mentioning how great Mrs. Claus is either.

After the pleasantries, I like to jump right into the purpose of the letter.

Santa gets thousands of letters every day so I try to be brief.

I’m hoping my succinct message is appreciated, thereby moving me up the good list a few notches.

You never want to be the bubble kid who is one letter away from being bumped from the good list to the naughty list.

My wish list is relatively small.

I would love to see the Diamondbacks get a solid fourth starter and a reasonably-priced first baseman under contract for two seasons.

And, as long as we are dreaming, can we please reduce the number of fielding errors?

You can’t get too greedy.

There is no use asking for seats above the dugout or for the team to sign several high-priced free agents.

That just might tick Santa off and jeopardize any chance you have of being on the nice list.

And no one wants to find out they are on the naughty list.

In baseball terms, you won’t just get a lump of coal in your stocking; it’s much worse than that.

You might just wake up to find that Scott Boras is suddenly representing every player on your roster.

That’s a whole lot worse than finding out you are not getting that G.I. Joe with the Kung-Fu grip.