NHL Announces New Ways That It Will Screw Fans in 2010-11 Season [HUMOR]

PLEASE NOTE:  The following article is entirely a work of fiction.  All quotes were created by the author and in no way should they be mistaken for real quotes.  This article represents the view solely of the author and does not represent the views and opinions of the National Hockey League.

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Even more programming glitches, higher ticket prices, and an abundance of teams in financial difficulty are just a few of the new things hockey fans can look forward to in 2010-11, league sources have announced.  "We are excited to constantly be on the forefront when it comes to constantly ripping off our small fan base, and 2010-11 will certainly be no exception," NHL spokesman Gary Meagher stated in a press release.  "We're looking to get Versus taken off of even more satellite and cable providers, for starters, and actually aiming to air no actual NHL games on our NHL Network.

"Plus, as fans already know, there are a few teams in financial difficulties around the league, such as the Phoenix Coyotes and Columbus Blue Jackets, so we're already eyeing even more obscure, less hockey-interested communities to move these franchises to."

But, these new rule changes aren't just for existing fans, Meagher says, but also for those looking to get into the game.

"We're hoping to drive ticket prices through the roof, thus making the prospect of attending a National Hockey League game for the first time nothing more than a ridiculous thought," he explained.  "And even if, by some odd chance, someone, for some reason, is willing to pay for tickets, we at least feel safe knowing that they won't be able to afford to bring the whole family.

"Our ultimate goal remains the same as it always has been:  To test the limits of what our fan base is willing to put up with.  I mean, we're as surprised as anyone that we still have fans in the first place, so we can't be doing everything wrong.

"Right?"