Patriots-Buccaneers: Brits Admit Tom Brady Is A Wanker

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Tom Brady threw six touchdown passes, one for each of Mike and Carol’s six children, as the Patriots pounded the Titans 59-0 to improve to 4-2 and take over first place in the AFC East.

Brady threw five of his TD’s in the second quarter, breaking the NFL record for touchdown passes in a quarter.

“Call it a Brady ‘bunch,’” says Brady. “I understand the Titans haven’t won a game since beating the world champion Steelers in week 16 last year. So, they went from stomping on towels to throwing in towels.”

“As for running up the score, I resent those accusations. There’s nothing safer than a 45-0 lead than a 52-0 lead, or a 59-0 lead. Besides, we now know what it takes to get Vince Young on the field—not his own talent, but a lack of it on the part of his teammates.

"Vince seems to be a shell of his former self. And speaking of ‘shell,’ did you know that if you hold Vince’s helmet up to your ear, you can hear the ocean? That’s with his head in it.”

Three of Brady’s touchdown scores went to Randy Moss, who looks forward to putting on a show for the fans at Wembley Stadium in London.

“I’m just a country boy from West Virginia,” says Moss, “so the chance to travel overseas is a big deal. Shoot, there was a time in my life when ‘international flavor’ meant nothing more than a 40 of Olde English malt liquor. Football has opened so many doors for me. Now, ‘international flavor’ means downing a 40 of OE in England .”

“But I plan to enjoy my time there, not only on the field, but off the field as well. There’s so many blokes I’d like to meet, like Royal Albert Hall, the Duke and Duchess of Oven, England Dan and John Ford Coley, and Baron Davis.”

Is Brady truly back to the impeccable form he showed before his knee injury? If he impregnates English model Kate Moss, he’s definitely back.

And, can Raheem Morris hold his own against Bill Belichick? Maybe in a freestyle rap battle, but not on the sidelines in London.

New England wins 32-13.

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