The U.S. Government: Saving Our Lives One Syringe at a Time

The U.S. Government is in the process of saving the American people from yet another devastating development!

Football teams are using videotape to gain a strategic advantage! Athletes are using steroids! Wait…. That doesn’t affect our daily lives whatsoever? Well… it’s on the news all the time, isn’t it?

For the last half year all I’ve been able to see is Roger Clemens on trial and talks of his alleged affair. It must be of national importance. I mean, there can’t be any more pressing issues that need attention. I’m sure the government wouldn’t spend taxpayers’ money or time on something if it was, in fact, trivial.

Folks, I have underestimated the U.S. Government.      

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m tired of the circus that the sports world has been turned in to. I’m tired of the subpoenas, hearings, and undermining of the separate sports’ policies and procedures.

Are the commissioners of their respective sports too incompetent to implement simple drug testing procedures or investigations using their own officials? No. I’ll point to the most recent sport on the chopping block—Major League Baseball and its commissioner Bud Selig. He asked for the government’s help in cleaning up baseball.

See, now I don’t think that it’s Bud thinking he can’t control his sport, it’s more like he knew what was going on and isn’t willing to accept responsibility for years of substance abuse under his eye. With more and more former players like Jose Canseco coming out and saying that the officials of Major League baseball knew what was going on, the more apparent it becomes.

Now the government is becoming involved in “spygate”?

Are you serious?!

With the advancement in technology I’d be surprised if teams didn't have libraries of other teams’ tendencies and strategies….wait….they do? Oh, I see… well then it seems that videotaping would be irrelevant, wouldn’t it? Certainly not a matter of national security.

Let the separate sports deal with their problems. The whole process has become nothing but a joke.

Before the government got involved, sports were doing fine. A perfect example—the 1919 “Black Sox” scandal. Did the government get involved when 8 rogue White Sox players helped fix the 1919 World Series? No.

Baseball dealt with it itself, and had far better results than the government is getting now. The eight players were suspended for life. And that was it. There was no big show, no circus tents known as courtrooms. Just a problem dealt with swiftly and effectively.

There are real, everyday problems that need to be dealt with. Leave the GAMES to those who play. The government has more pressing issues.

You know that war in Iraq? The one with more and more soldiers not coming home? Last time I checked that took priority over steroids. Our country’s health care is a mess. And who knows where Bin Laden is…but I guarantee he isn’t shootin’ up in a stadium boiler room anytime soon.